Okay, this is an old story.. Last semester, i came to realise it, thanx to Atuk Dan O'Brien, my Educ260 tutor and lecturer.. It goes something like this:
Atuk Dan: So how did you do in the assignment??? Did you do okay??? (as a reaction to my paranoia advice seeking phase a few days before submitting the assignment as well a cuak face a day before getting the results)
Me: Yeah.. I did only alright... Not as well as i wanted, i guess
Atuk Dan: Owwwhhh.. really?? what did you get?? let me look at it (glanced at the paper.. looked at me... and ala-ala campak my paper ke atas meja).. what more would you want??? that's good enough.. (sambil glance ke orang ayng duduk di sebelahku)
Orang sebelah (yang interframe): Yeah, that's a very good mark... I only got a "pass" like everyone else
Me: smiled, dumbfounded.. "buat-buat sweet"
Atuk Dan: That's what we call overcompetitiveness.. Sometimes you are not aware what or who you're competing with...
Then, as I was walking home, I smiled to myself.. what the hell??? Dan doesn't know everything, after all. Of course, i know who i was competing with.. None other than me, myself and I of course... Okay, maybe i'm a bit obsessive about getting good grades and stuff although i always say "owwwhh.. well, i only want or aim for a pass". hahahahahaha.. guess i'm not fooling anyone when my friends just smirk when they hear that line. Well, at times, you just know that you gotta prove a point to yourself.. People always say that TESL is such an easy course, then why can't I get the best grades?? It's not like I'm being unrealistic.. we do need to have goals and would it mean harm if my aim is actually anything better than just a "pass"???
But don't worry, i'm not that ambitious as to get HDs all the time (and I won't, i think.. hehehehehehehe). The thing is we know our ability and when we screw up because we didn't prepare or complete the assignment in the best state possible, you know that you gotta punch yourself hard in the face... And i'm not as obsessive about getting my grades straight as, say, Sean Diddy Combs is about changing his name everytime North Korea threatens to bomb America, you know, probably just to confuse them or something... (Diddy, Puff Daddy, Sean Combs, P.Diddy... Didie Alias, Chicken Curry Puff)...
So the next time you guys wonder why I'm in a veery bad mood after getting assignment results, just don't ask.. Assuming that I'm-thinking about-re-submitting-a-better-piece-tomorrow-kalau-boleh-and- nak-just-punch-the-wit-out-the-next- person-who-says-the-wrong-things is just fine...