Monday, October 30, 2006

I Miss My Daddy...

29 October 2002... It has been 4 years since the day my father passed away. I felt his lost ever since and i missed him every single day. My daddy, the man who brought me up and made me partially who I am today. He used to be my moon as my mummy is my sun.

I remember how he used to have two jobs just to get us by. He was only 21 years old when he married my mum, despite the disapproval of his family (partly because he was still young and also because my mum is a muslim). He and my mummy lived the life of the young while we were growing up and treated us as friends instead of children. He fancied making and playing kites, bikin his Honda Accord which he changed for a Grand Vitara as we were growing up, watching old Tamil, Malay and English movie, collecting EPs and vinyls... And of course, the occasional skating (old school style)

When we were kids, people used to say that my mummy and daddy were out on a date and one of them had to bring their "siblings" (ie us, the kids) to tag along on the date.. hihi. We lived a modest life yet never once have i doubted that he loved us very much even though he was not always able to give us what we wanted. Although at times, i complained about the simplicity of our life but he tried very hard. When he pushed us to our limits, it was because he wanted us to lead a different, if not a better, life than he did.

I was not ready to lose my daddy when he passed away at a young age of 39... He suffered from a medical condition called neuropathy where his muscle is no longer able to rebuilt the dead cells. He slowly lost the ability to walk and then to use his hands, then eventually his heart muscles will also lose the ability to pump blood through his body system... It was hard watching his condition deteriorate day by day and my mummy stayed strong along the way. I saw how much my mummy loved my daddy through those time and never did she lose faith that he would get better even though the doctor "cordially" said that there is no cure for this disease yet...

Till this very day, sometimes I question why did he have to go so early.. sometimes, i blame him for making me miss him too much, for making my mum go through a harder life, for making my little sister lack a paternal affection all through her life... But then, I look up to the sky and realise that he is living a better life there... God loved him, more than we do. Tears stream down my eyes as I recited prayers for him lately... Four years and you are still very much alive in our heart and memory.

May Allah bless your soul always and love you as much as you loved your children since we were little until you left us.. Amin


Whenever I hear this song, i cannot help but to remember you, daddy.. God knows I love you, no matter what.

7 comments:

::tAsSy:: said...

*tears* one beautifully written piece ana.

my dad was once admitted to the hospital to undergo a minor operation because he had this problem (i cannot remember the term), but he had trouble with his hand muscles and at times he cannot even move his hand and he cannot feel himself touching whatsoever, and i tell you, mase tuh rase takot gile. I can only think of one thing, what if his condition gets worse, what if he, you know. because i was later told by my mom that he's been getting treatment all this while and didnt tell us adik beradik. mmg takot.

my point is, yes, it is hard without a father around. i seriously cannot think what would happen to me if i'm in your shoes because i just can't. but ur one strong person ana, and i can see that. just hang in there ok.

things happen for a reason. God has planned everything. with him gone, i think most of it makes who you are today. you become a better person, a better daughter to ur mom, a better sister and all. just have faith and think positive ok.

God bless your late father. Amin.

Sunny said...

a very touching post...

i can never truly understand how you feel coz all those dear to me are still around...

but one thing i can tell, you've done great in handling what you've been thru...

keep it up...don't ever forget your dad....but don't ever weep...this has to be the source of your strength, and not a weak point =)

take care ~ God bless your late father. Amin

Nisa~ said...

i really understand what you are going through ana. i really do.

but hey, hang in there k?

tuhan takkan bagi ujian kat kite kalau die tahu kite tak boleh handle.

you r strong! i know u r! and your daddy must be proud of u too~

i'll be here rain or shine for u!

love u lots babe!

Ana Shirin said...

thanks, people...

things have not been the same but i guarantee you guys that for all that He takes, He gives in return too...

durra~ said...

ana,

i can never understand n feel what you're going through too.but hang in there.i know you're strong.i know the effect won't be the same coz
i am not good with words or may be harsh n selfish at times but i'll always be here if u need me to cheer you up =).remember that.

ah^kam koko' said...

u hav the right heart, Ana...

be the wonderful daughter you are to your mother, k?

=)

~CaSPeR BaBy~ said...

~tears~..this is an honest representation of a soul in a piece of writing..