Seeing Doubles

I must be so into the idea of returning home because I honestly saw some familiar faces here in uni, MC or around Sydney..

a) Abang Boost who looks like Imran Ajmain
b) A chick who looks like Kak Yasrina shopping kat Myers
c) Abang yang study kat library who looks like Sean Ghazi
d) Abang Cina at Paddy's Market who looks like Shah
e) A high school girl who looks like Norjuma (minus the hijab)

random.... i know

Random Act Of Kindness

We went to buy boxes to pack our stuff that needs to be sent home by airfreight. So we braved ourselves to walk a 3km distance today to go to 1, Talavera Road (untuk anak-anakku di Sydney, that's from Culloden Road to Sambal at Lane Cove..jauh tu!) and found Pack Send situated in the middle of nowhere. When we FINALLY reached the office, the guy at the reception greeted us with a warm smile. He just looks like a typical Aussie bloke and talked like one too... haha

Dah walked for an hour tu, penat jugaklah kan so we kinda took our time in choosing the boxes we need. We were all half-panting, I think but the three of us kept our cool. After choosing the boxes, each of us had 4 boxes to bring back and the guy who looks like he should be called Tim looked at us quite amazedly

Tim: Did you guys drive here?
Us: Nope (smiles)
Tim: Then how are you gonna bring all of these back?
Us: We'll probably walk...or take a bus
Tim: *muka terkejut and ran to the back of the shop.. came back and said* I will send you guys back because I can't imagine the three of you bringing these boxes on your own
Us: erkkk.... *equally terkejut, didn't have the time to say anything*
Tim: I'll meet you guys outside
Us: *terkebil-kebil and speechless but grateful*

When he dropped us home, he enthusiastically waved goodbye to the three of us and you should just look at our beaming faces. You see, it doesn't require too much to be remembered. Tim only sent us back on a 5 minutes journey back to our place but his help did meant quite a lot especially because he was a stranger and he was not obliged to do so for us. It turns out a random act of kindness is that random after all :)

Save The Last Dance

Little Waltz- Basia Bulat

you and I, we make a grand salute
stare at each other like lost little birds across the room
and I remember the way you looked
I learned how to dance, but I'd never shown it to you

my love,
I know I was wrong, but you know that you'll always be
my love
stay for a while while our leaves are still green
please, for me

I know I tried, but it's hard sometimes
the roots don't take, it takes a while
and you pull at the strings
but they're broken, it seems
the dance isn't over for me, no

my love,
I know I was wrong, but you know that you'll always be
my love
stay for a while while our leaves are still green
please, for me

*they used this song for Volkswagon EOS ad in Australia and I can only imagine why but the song has haunted me ever since I've first listened to it. I just had to google it straight away and found out that it's a song from a London-based folk singer, Basia Bulat. I think the lyrics is just too beautiful. Hope to serenade someone with this song somewhere in the future.. hehe*

*another advertisement song that I love is the one used in the Sony Smile Shutter Camera ad as you can tune in to here owwwhhhh.. i'm such a tv junkie.. haha*

An Ode To Lost Love

I'm staring outside the window,

The rain keeps telling me,

That I've lost you forever,

And you're no longer my strength,

I remember how we loved but

I've taken you for granted,

When you're irreplaceable to me,

I've done all these mistakes,

But you'll always be the love of my life,

For being in love with you,

Has been the gift of my life...

3 Minggu Lagi..

I went to pick up my flight tickets yesterday (muahaha).. Found out that I'll be sandwiched between Fariza and Jul Li on the flight home but that's all good. Also got some souvenirs for family and neighbours (mak dah miskin, nyah!) hehe.. It's a funny sensation, achieving this notion that I'll be going back for good. Time flew quite amazingly quick and I didn't even realised half of the time I've spent here.

Don't get me wrong, I heart KL even if I love Syd. But understanding that a certain lack of privacy and some prevailing intrusion into life by family and relatives will occur again, hurrrmmm *sigh* I love my family, of course but when you go back again, you won't be totally independent. You'll have to seek consultation on every single thing (that's for me, at least) and after two years or so of not doing so, I reckon you sort of "forget" how it works.. haha

But I'm looking forward to spend some time browsing through what's brewing in the Malaysian music scene (notice I said brewing and not ageing), attending more events (kenduri, family gatherings, music etc.) & looking for potholes (hehe). Also looking forward to meet my fellow INFs who some I haven't met in two years, some I haven't actually met at all(aku dah penat menaip dgn korang.. hahaha)

wowo.. so much to do, so much time left...

Sometimes...

Sometimes, you grow so familiar with each other that you forget to acknowledge that the other soul has a sensitive feeling. Sometimes, it's hard to just pretend and put on a straight face when that occurs. Sometimes you feel that your friends would rather do something else than being with you and you are left far away in the midst of everything. This shouldn't happen after years of being friends but it still does. Blame it on the monthly aches or the moon, it's all the same when it feels bad that you have said or done something to offend/hurt each other. I guess this is what happens to married couples when they think that their partner is taking them for granted...


*this is just a reflection... i'm alright*

Changes

I am currently reading The Heart of A Woman by Maya Angelou, which is the forth installment of her five series biography. Somehow, I've read the previous three with different appreciation for her personality, as if I am getting to know three separate persons. I never grew accustomed to reading them in a continuum which I taught only appropriate because somehow, she just seem so segmented and transformed in her ideals and approach to life in the each decade of life she has endured. Seems pretty untrue huh? These honest accounts of her life which are often dissimilar in tone although highly comparable to Toni Morrison's subject matters teach us to appreciate changes sometimes just for the sake of it. It made me realise that as a community as well as a person, we all change with the course of time although some of us would rather deny this, undoubtedly for the fear of resolute time ticking.

In this book, the African Americans are still striving to receive the treatment they deserve in their own country. They are still being associated to their own land (ie Africa) regardless of the fact that they may have been the 13th generation of Americans. It might not be the same in Malaysia but accepting changes becomes terribly important for us and realising that having apparent privileges compared to others in a country does not bridge us closer but instead drifts us apart regardless of how neutral or noble our intentions are. It proved right in the United State about 50 years ago as the changes brought upon by the people has commandered a milestone of achievement. It did took the United States tremendously long to achieve the idea of equality (I still think they have not fully) and I can only wonder how long it would take for us to change. I want you to think of the word "us" and determine who that is before asking yourselves, has there really been an "us" anyway...

Just like the words of Tupac in Changes
"It's time for us as a people to start makin' some changes.
Let's change the way we eat, let's change the way we live
and let's change the way we treat each other.
You see the old way wasn't working so it's on us to do
what we gotta do, to survive."

Me

Which Sesame Street Character Are You?
	You are part Elmo. You are lovable and ticklish, and always inquisitive. Sometimes, though, your excitement about the world can make you seem childish, naive, and occasionally irritating to others.
	You are part Cookie Monster. You are a glutton. You often make attempts at controlling yourself, but why stop yourself from getting what you really want? Cookies. Inside, you are sensitive and vulnerable and it just may be the source of your problems.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com

I'm An Addict

*I've grown addicted to avocados!!! It is overtaking my life.. I can't seem to get by without it. I hope it's just a phase because avocados cost a trizillion in Malaysia. Maybe I should stock up on all I can eat now... Try it on toast or as dips. It's definitely a healthier option for us. The picture I have above is mashed avocados with slices of tomatoes, onions and lime juice with a twang of taco sauce served as a dip for cracked pepper crackers... nyum nyum*



*I just got hold of Gabriel Garcia Marquez's Love In The Time of Cholera from the library. This book is just soooo dense and I think because it is translated from Spanish, too many things need to be explained in greater pain in order to avoid the story to lose its essence. Currently, I feel my life is being consumed by the complicated characters in the book and the keen acknowledgement of death with its certainty or life with its uncertainty. I heard that they've turned this book into a movie and I would like to see how the screenplay is done because this is quite a tough book with highly complex characters. I'm a romantic addict in addition to an avocado addict. No wonder my housies say I'm skema (not that it's bad :p)*

P.D.A

This is a hard subject to tackle and I know it's kind of risky to talk about this, in case it backfires in the future but I feel obliged to get this out of my head. We all know that there's always two sides to a coin, heads or tails. In some things, the distinction might be blurred yet in others, it simply explains itself effortlessly, like when I say that not everyone appreciates a public display of affection everywhere and everytime.

When we talk about this, some of us can be taken as guilty for having done it at some point of life, regardless of whether as a married couple or not. But we all glare at the over displaying of these affections. It's really hard to say how much is too much but I think it is necessary sometimes to consider your surroundings and the people there. I understand that an awful lot of time, we get so immersed in love and forget everyone else but hey, we tolerate you most of the times so spare us some of the wayang.

It's unavoidable to hear people targetting some of these proprietors of PDAs when their relationship breaks up, saying "Well, it still didn't last regardless of how much you want everybody to know". I'm struggling to keep myself objective here but my eyes are telling my brain that they have endured too much all this while :P Just one thing, keep it in right dosages to have everyone, especially yourself happy...

Footballer Of The Year (and The Heart)

I love Kaka, sometimes for the wrong reasons but we will all have to accept the fact that he is a truly good player. Hearing that he is the favourite to win the coveted Footballer of the Year award adds to the need to continue loving him. Ok, ok.. I admit that I adore him mostly for that jet black hair and gorgeous, gorgeous face :P Plus the fact that he was still a "V" when he got married recently. How cute is that considering he look that good and comes from Brasilia with hot chicks basically just popping around EVERYWHERE... If he can do it, why not all of us out here? You Go, Kaka!

I know I shouldn't be focusing on the private side of his life outside the field but it's just so tempting to continue googling him and have pictures of him clad in Armani suits (drool). No wonder guys hate it when we watch football with them (jeleslah tu!).. haha

Apa C.L.A.Z?

Thanks to the ever-updating Souldeliters (angkat topi kepada Fauzan), I stumbled upon this link and discovered the sounds and voices behind a song called "Bukan"... For the time being, there's only one songlah but I tell you, OKlah this one, very 90s R&B, I think.. Lagu to pujuk your girlfriend if she's sulking when you accidently scolded her (yeah, s**t happens)... There are parts in the songs that can be a little bit weird but it's tolerable after a few listens. I think the voices sound terribly familiar but can't say anythinglah because it's not confirmed. Is this supposed to be a secret project or something(ala-ala Tyco circa 2000 kot)???

Just hope all that happens will continue to happen, not something that passes by with the wind and gone in a split second..

to have a listen, go to http://amp.channelv.com/CLAZ and drop comments :)

Ray Of Light

As regretted, I'm gonna have to miss deepavalli yet again this year. Since it's the fifth year after the passing of my dad, the family can actually celebrate it in a grand scale again but sadly I won't be there. My mum and siblings celebrated the night of Deepavalli at Kajang (at my dad's aunts place) and after having their breakfast, they would be leaving for Karak where my grandad and grandmum decides to celeberate this year.

I remember Deepavalli quite vividly mostly due to the extremity of colourful celebration. Because we used to celebrate it in Cameron Highlands, the atmosphere was one of serenity trapped in a bottle of festivities. Our family house is situated at the end of the so-called civilised road that further leads to some indigeneous villages and an old temple deeply situated in a used-to-be tea plantation farm. The road to my grandparents place can only accomodate one car at a time and there's no buses nearby. From the main road, we would have to walk for about an hour or take a 15 minutes drive. But that doesn't stop my tata, patti, mamas, attes, chittapas and chittis from conjuring such an elaborate festival.

We would start the mornings with taking an oil bath. My patti strongly insist that she would pour the first amount of oil that touches our heads personally before we would carry on doing it ourselves. My mum reluctantly agrees to this ritual but my dad assures her every year that we are not doing a religious rite but rather only a cultural one. After that dreaded oil bath that my mum only allows to be placed on the head for us and that always causes my cousins to grow envious of us smelling better (:P), we would all supposedly required to touch our elders feet but since we are not allowed to do that, my siblings and I would salam and kiss our grandparents' hands. We noticed that we were odd compared to our cousins but it didn't matter much at that time because the RM5o in the ang pau given by tata and the RM20 by patti erased all of our differences.

Then comes the elaborate breakfast with everything Indian under the sun.. the tosai, idlis, chutneys, varuvals, curries, fresh lassies.. too much, too much. Since my tata owns his own poultry and goats, my dad is assigned the duty to slaughter around 12 fat chickens and 2 goats the day before because there's no other muslims in sight. He would complain about it every single time and my b****y aunt once said "who asked you to marry a malay then?".. huhu.. panas. Everything here used to be so darn fresh. Every single fruit you can think of grows just nearby and is easily pluckable. After the filling breakfast, the whole family would gather in front of the television watching the latest Tamil (hail Rajni!) movies on the VCR because until Astro came along, our home could only receive some blurred reception from RTM1 and 2. My aunts and uncles would make a lot of noise during this time trying to catch up on their lost times together and we, the kids used to get a scolding for tuning up the volume. Hey, we want to hear the Muthu's theme song okay?

Now, all the cousins have grown up. Four of the 18 of us are married and have kids. Some are too little to be included into our memories. Some of us got lost in translation and decided to resolute to silence. When we occasionally meet nowadays, it's the polite smile with the polite "how are you?" and the somewhat impolite "why are you so thin?? your mother never feed you rice, is it?" (no, that's not an insult, it's just how we say hi). Although we still keep regular contact, it just doesn't feel the same anymore. My tata and patti have also moved in with my uncle so that they can get regular treatment at the hospital which would otherwise be quite impossible if they still lived in CH. So, even our family house is only left haunted with the memory of our laughters and tears. I'm not saying Deepavalli is no longer fun, it's just that we all have changed due to time and that's just the way the world is.

Though, my parents have always been asked about how they work things out successfully and I consider myself as lucky to have been raised in these continuum of culture. In retrospect, the culture weren't really as different as it seems to be. All we need is a little bit of tolerance in between our practices. Everybody had to sacrifice some little parts of their life for each other in our family and it did turn out quite well. I remember my mum once said "If I ever get the chance to do it all over again, I wouldn't change a thing about marrying into this family"...

Confessions Of A Tragic Music Lover

Yes, this is a story that’s partly about a discovery, a revelation, the coming-out-of-the-closet equivalent of confessions from a tragic music lover. People, I’m 22 years old and I still love V.E as much as the first time I heard those voices in “Just A Friend”. As hard as I try to stay away from that fact, I still not-so-secretly listen to their songs everyday. Yes, I probably need to grow up and only listen to Thelonious Monk, Outlandish or Raul Midon by now but I seriously cannot leave the playlist I call “Malaysia’s Best” alone.

If you think Extreme Pleasure is one the best albums ever produced in Malaysia for its time, please look to your left and right first before enthusiastically raising your hands. I think neither V.E nor Ruffedge managed to again capture the magic from that album into their works thereafter. I mean, who can forget the bouncy and crazeeee “Creep” or the sweet but cheeky “Touch, Kiss, Hug, Love”? Not to mention the song that never fails to make my day- Yes, Ayu.. the song that made me cut classes when I was in Form 5 so that I can catch the video on NTV7 at 10am and 12pm. It’s like a magic potion, always continues to mark the top of my various top 10s themed charts.Maybe it's because the person who wrote this song was my personal favourite or maybe because the song is so melodically light that it hardly touches a riff when it touches your heart. For me, it mysteriously seems to fit under the “Top Ten Inspirational Songs”, “Top Ten Jiwa Berbunga Songs”, “Top Ten Songs I Want To Remembered By” (cewah.. nyampaaah.. perasan kan?), “Top Ten Songs My Husband Needs To Master”... I assure you that the list goes on and on.

I don’t know why but when I hear to that album, I often feel "young" and giggly again (haha! 22 years old is old). I can still remember the date I bought the album, 28th December 2002. That was around two months after my dad passed away. Besides my mother, siblings and my then-bf, that album managed to make me smile again. I know that seems like a huge statement but it did... Apparently, it took four men to sing to make me feel something again. At that time of life, almost nobody ever heard about V.E. They've just released that album in August and didn't really achieve the real limelight until probably when "Khayalan" (which was really only borderline good) was included into Extreme Pleasure Extra

After that, things just got from good to better in many frontiers for the now five piece group even when it meant they were to find their way independently. All the more, they did everything from scratch and reached what they've aspired for after quite a long wait. They didn't catapult to stardom just like that as assumed by many. Their journey was one of gradual achievements in musical endeavours and I see it from afar as someone keen enough to give attention, someone positive enough to accept a few disappointments, someone brave enough to continue expressing my interest (hehe..). "V.E For You" was V.E's first album and it did set a different vibe to them although it was a very safe release with most songs sounding like how V.E should be when I wished it was something of what they could be. Still, they bagged the best vocals at AIM which was a darn big thing and I still talk about it until today!

And because of this interest, I've also happened to know some of the wackiest people in town... People, we know who we are and don't try to deny it... hahahahahaha. The friendship we've built was based on this but I guess it bloomed into many more things. I'm glad I have got the chance to know you people and continue to learn new things with all of you.

So when the whole world starts bumping to the new sounds of discovery, I think I have been, still am and will probably still will be pretty content listening to V.E singing me Good Morning during the sunrise and finishing my day off with a lullaby telling me how it's gonna be a Good Night... regardless of whether it's 4 or 5 or 3.

Be Sure To Catch This!

I tolerate The Beatles. I like The Beatles. I love The Beatles! I heart The Beatles!!!

Which ever one you are, be sure to catch this latest movie in the cinema called "Across The Universe" that is based on music by The Beatles. I wish my life is like The Beatles' music too but unfortunately, real life is hardly made up to be so dramatic. Owwh, wait... I think I have a song that summarises my life now.. "Help! I just need somebody, Help! Not just anybody... Help! You know I need someone, Help!"

Desperate Sangat Ke Ana?

It was kinda hot today so I decided to wear this really small and nipis baby-t which my mum bought for me to wear in summer before I came back to Sydney this year.. Because it has a picture of a cute bear holding a red, cushiony heart with the words "I Need Hugs and Kisses", it makes me think it was probably meant for kids sebenarnya thus I seldom wear it.. I guess only kids can get away with that degree of cuteness kot. I'm 22 and I don't really say that anyone except to my mum and nina. It's not that I do not appreciate my mum's taste but I guess I haven't been using it that often as somehow I knew I would get this from my "beloved" housemates...

N: Tak pernah nampak pun baju ni
Me: hurm, yeah... I seldom wear it..
N: "I need hugs and kisses".. desperate sangat ke kau ni, ana?
Me: wey, mummy bought thislaaa (my only defense and the truth, btw!)
N: hahaha... yelah tu
D: hahahaha... kelakoooo arrr...
Me: (makian berirama diselangi gelak tawa ria)
S: (smiles politely, probably at the degree of "humility" her housemates have)

I guess mum really does "know" best...