A Year of Solitude

Sometimes you wonder why people take the beautiful things in their life for granted. You know that phase when we are courting a person's heart and attention, we'd do everything we could to have them. He stayed up all night making that "Good Luck for Your Exams" card for you when we both know he hasn't finished revising for tomorrow's test. He spent his savings trying to get that patent leather shoes we have been hinting on for our birthday. He calls us every now and then... But when he has our attention and the both of us finally becomes an item, everything goes out of the window.

I made a vow to myself that I won't be that person because I know how much it hurts to be absolutely discarded after being heavily pursued. You feel like a trophy, but only a silver one because he goes on to hunt other skirts. All of these is just a game for him. You end up making all the effort to keep things going even though you weren't the one who initiated the relationship. That was the story with my last relationship. My emotions were drained and my life was haywire after discovering that I mean nothing to a person I've sort of devoted myself to for almost a year.

Yesterday, it has been a year since I am finished with that relationship. Ahamdulillah, I've learnt my lessons quite well and see that life does offer me more wonderful things (although sometimes I do get pretty lonely when everyone else goes out with their loved ones and I'm left in the room reading a book *loser!*). I've only been in two relationships before and I don't really know much but I know that in my next relationship, it's important that we are equals and respect each other's needs. We musn't dictate each other's life even if we know absolutely everything about one another. Our relationship must offer some room for mental and emotional dependence above all other dimensions. My life may not be perfect but it should be fulfilled when I'm with him :)

Well, my main motivation in life now is to succeed in my studies in order to provide a better life for my mum and sister. Yet, I do have a second motivation who makes me smile all the time too and he has grown to be very dear to my heart. We keep in touch regularly and he seems to care for me, which makes me feel just fine and appreciated. I'm just lucky to know someone as nice, smart and positive like him. For these blessings, I should be thankful kan? So, "No, thanks!" for all those invitation for dinner dates and get-togethers. I'm happy with life now even if it has endured a year of so-called solitude.