I Want! I Want! I Want!

I've been searching for nice casual flats like this Steve Madden's pair and it's a miracle if I could find one like, now! Times like this makes me yearn so much for a quick visit to Myers to grab one of Steve Madden's cosy, comfy, costly flats... Things you've taken for granted *sigh*



never been a big fan of bottega veneta or butterfly motif, for that matter. But i find this clutch utterly irresistible!! Jom... Sapa nak teman me to Hong Kong for a shop trip? hahaha...



I just love the scent and mine is finishing already... It just feels good to smell like flowers even if you're not that sweet :p

I Read Because I Can :p

I've overdosed on Paulo Coelho last week where I finished three of his books (By The River Piedra I Sat Down & Wept, Veronika Decides To Die and The Devil & Miss Prym). As most of you might already know, Coelho is one of the most widely read author of the last and current century. He writes in Portuguese mostly and known for his deeply profound look into life. His notable works include The-owh-so-famous-Alchemist and Brieda but I'm not really a fan of the writing style per se. It's probably a bit too languid (pardon the inapt choice of word but I couldn't find another to describe my feelings) despite the spiritual and philosophical issues or views.

Though, I find the matters discussed deeply moving, even when some of it deals with Christianity concepts and theological dilemmas. These books make up a trilogy about life and its uncertainty with death watching on and love, hatred, evil and good all mixed together to evoke your deepest fears and regrets in life. It makes you think about how much of yourself in ready to change and be changed within a week, how the decisions made will affect your life until its end and bring back parts of yourself from the past that you have decided to discard. All three books taught me that love and God work in miraculous ways.... Ways you cannot imagine. Out of the three, I would have to choose The Devil & Miss Prym for the fact that the theme is entirely universal and we could all get into either The Stranger's or Miss Prym's shoes (if you're wondering why not The Devil, maybe it's time you grab it for a read). Good and Evil will always be in constant fights for our souls and we can or will be the ones to decide who we want to be.

After Coelho's books, I started on reading Karim "Handsome" Raslan's Heroes and Short Stories. Yeah, yeah.. I know. Why so late, Ana?? The book was first published in 1996 and has since been re-printed three times but I can assure you it hasn't lost touch. It is still very much relevant and rather a clear, vivid depiction of Malaysians in angles you've sometimes chose to ignore because it can be ugly. Wake up and smell the rotten roses, people because life isn't always green and comedy isn't always bright (hence the existence of dark comedy, get it?? hahaha.. i know, i'm lame). Anyway, Karim (as usual) never loses his voice in his writings although you can see that all of his characters have souls of their own. You know some writers just can't do that, they either make the stories too much on their characters or on their own selves. So, Karim has succeeded again in making me continue reading despite angry glares from The Mother as I skipped tea to read on :p For Malaysians, this is a must-have!

I've just finished reading Boyhood by J.M Coetzee and still couldn't believe that someone can write such a true representation of childhood. True enough, it was a story about a boy who grew up in South Africa in the 1940s and on the surface, that hardly creates any connection to myself. But as I dwelt further into the story, I realised that childood could easily be the most arrogant, selfish yet naive state of our lives, no matter when or where you've lived. I could connect myself to the many little secrets "he" kept from his family about his school life and feelings and the reasons behind such secret. It's rather poignant in a sense that my childhood held secrets too, secrets of home you don't tell people in schools, secrets of school you don't share with people at home... It's leading two or more different lives, lives dictated by someone else that we follow to conform to a suggested normality. Normality that doesn't make sense, by the way. It was a very critical reflection on one's life and you can trust the author of Life & Time of Michael K to do that. Boyhood strikes the heart for its straight-forward, child-framed view on the world and from a extremely smart child, that is.

My next victims will be New Malaysian Essays 1 with the talented Amir Muhammad as editor/contibutor and Unaccustomed Earth by Jhumpa Lahiri (like... finally!)... But first, I'll have to finish reading Fernando Llyod's Scorpion Orchid. Owh, and the 2000-words reflection task for LTP course too (haha!)

A Visit Down Memorylane

Last weekend, The Mother asked me to clean up a few boxes of my stuff which I left when I flew to Sydney in 2006. I reluctantly did so knowing how much precious time watching toons with my nephew and sister has to be wasted on the tedious task but being the super-nice daughter that I am, I just followed The Mother's instruction and paksa fifi+aidid to teman me cleaning the stuff up (although they end up making more mess than there already is :p)

I must say the cleaning up process revealed a lot of things I didn't realised about myself 5 years ago. I came across scribbles of my poems in some random notebooks (which I used to collect), notes I wrote to friends, cards people made/bought as a dedication for me, pictures of childhood and schooling memories, letters I wrote but never did send... It all brought back an array of feelings which caused me to reach a state of disbelief regarding how much different I used to be.

I could almost see myself bright-eyed answering all those questions in my coursebook with all my enthusiasm and optimism of changing the world someday. There is an unmissable faint scent of determination and dedication in every piece of work, major or minor. Each of my journal and reflection contained too much of myself in it. I was so genuinely eager to please everyone that I didn't manage to refrain myself from constantly showing it to the whole wide world. I chuckled at my own naive interpretation of the world and how much it was going around the same circle to reach the same point again. I could say that I was still in the 2nd stage of Kohlberg's Moral Development where I am conflicting and building my interpersonal accord and conformity although at that time, I perceived myself as belonging to a higher level.

I believe now if I were to be given the same tasks I went through in my Foundation years, I would respond differently... Very differently, indeed. Although there is still a tad of egocentrism, I have come to view the world a whole lot more widely and understand that things often do work in an almost antithetic way than I assumed them to be. I'm not saying that life is much more gloomier now, in fact it's much more easier to lead because I try to deal with it in a neutral and non-utopian way. Reaching this level of maturity that enables me to look back and analysing myself for reflection is something I never thought I'd do as I always told myself not to live in the past. But who are you kidding because it's also the past that makes you able to compare whether you are a better or worst person today.

Indeed, change is the thing that shows the path you've lead and will be leading in your life. Hopefully, my path will be guided by Allah s.w.t and so will all my loved ones so that we don't transgress too far away.

20 Most Sexiest Revisited

Somewhere around November 2006, I blogged about the top 20 sexiest person according to my view. Almost a year and half has passed, I felt the need to revisit that list and see whether sexiness is still the same for me :p So here goes in no particular orderlaaaa...

1) Johnny Depp
2) Mos Def
3) John Legend
4) Matt Damon
5) Raphael Nadal
6) Joaquin Phoenix
7) Jake Gyllenhall
8) Gael Garcia Bernal
9) Jessica Alba
10)Prince Frederick of Denmark
11)Will Smith
12)Taye Diggs
13)Adam Broody
14)Barack Obama
15)Shia LeBouf
16)William Quah
17)Chris Gorham
18)Paul McCartney
19)Denzel Washington
20)Halle Berry

A Year of Solitude

Sometimes you wonder why people take the beautiful things in their life for granted. You know that phase when we are courting a person's heart and attention, we'd do everything we could to have them. He stayed up all night making that "Good Luck for Your Exams" card for you when we both know he hasn't finished revising for tomorrow's test. He spent his savings trying to get that patent leather shoes we have been hinting on for our birthday. He calls us every now and then... But when he has our attention and the both of us finally becomes an item, everything goes out of the window.

I made a vow to myself that I won't be that person because I know how much it hurts to be absolutely discarded after being heavily pursued. You feel like a trophy, but only a silver one because he goes on to hunt other skirts. All of these is just a game for him. You end up making all the effort to keep things going even though you weren't the one who initiated the relationship. That was the story with my last relationship. My emotions were drained and my life was haywire after discovering that I mean nothing to a person I've sort of devoted myself to for almost a year.

Yesterday, it has been a year since I am finished with that relationship. Ahamdulillah, I've learnt my lessons quite well and see that life does offer me more wonderful things (although sometimes I do get pretty lonely when everyone else goes out with their loved ones and I'm left in the room reading a book *loser!*). I've only been in two relationships before and I don't really know much but I know that in my next relationship, it's important that we are equals and respect each other's needs. We musn't dictate each other's life even if we know absolutely everything about one another. Our relationship must offer some room for mental and emotional dependence above all other dimensions. My life may not be perfect but it should be fulfilled when I'm with him :)

Well, my main motivation in life now is to succeed in my studies in order to provide a better life for my mum and sister. Yet, I do have a second motivation who makes me smile all the time too and he has grown to be very dear to my heart. We keep in touch regularly and he seems to care for me, which makes me feel just fine and appreciated. I'm just lucky to know someone as nice, smart and positive like him. For these blessings, I should be thankful kan? So, "No, thanks!" for all those invitation for dinner dates and get-togethers. I'm happy with life now even if it has endured a year of so-called solitude.

Taking The Joy Ride

I travel using the public transportation every week to reach Cheras... It's a hassle but I just love observing the nature of human when we are all around strangers. For a bunch of Asians who uphold ourselves as polite and respectful, we are a herd of phoneys and I'm saying this through experiences.

It's very normal to see young men and women not leaving their seats when they see others who need it more than them. There was once a heavily pregnant woman standing in the bus for almost three minutes before I decided to ask a particular young man to give up his seat for her. He did seem a bit pissed off but at least, I'm doing something to help two specific people. If you are so proud of your manhood that my request was demeaning, you should have more common sense to just voluntarily give it up in the first place kan? There was also a few incidents where I gave up my seat for an elderly or pregnant person but some dickhead would just slide onto it and pretend that he/she deserves the seat. Bodoh tau!!!

Then, there's the odd couple we see getting off on the bus. I know for a fact that the Malaysian buses don't really have a good air conditioning system but you find these couples literally glued to each other and some of them goes further than you'd ever think. I travel back on Fridays mostly and it's not a new thing for me to see young Malay men on the bus with their girlfriends (some in hijabs, mind you) during the Friday prayer time. Yalah, I know that whatever you do is between you and God but then if you display it proudly to the world, you're just giving us somewhat of a birth right to sneer at you.

To add, some of these couples are just school kids. There was this one instance where I had to tap on this Malay girl's shoulder clad in her school uniform who was necking her boyfriend while his hands were all over her, just in front of me seating at the back seat! Hallo, so desperate is it? There must be a limit to everything and that was my limit. I mean, I have tolerated many things before like girls giving a peck on the cheek of their boyfriends or holding hands and stuff. Okaylah tu kan? Aku pun liberal jugak but that was too muchlah. Any person in their sanity would do what I did, right?

Responding accordingly to a situation requires a lot of guts, I've discovered that for sure. Sometimes, you just gotta be "bitchy" to get what you want or to point out an obvious misdemeanor. Like Usman Awang said, we have to be kurang ajar to belajar.

Introduction

(been tagged again :p)

First Name – Ana Shirin
Nickname – Ana, Yen, Sharon, Cikngah.
Name you wish you had – Eleena (my mum wanted it but dad thought it was too much).
What do people normally mistake your name - they say "an-na" (as in Anna Nicole Smith) instead of a-na (as in Ana Ivanovic)
Birthday- 14th August 1985
Birthplace – Hospital Kuala Lumpur
Time of Birth – 6.43am
Single or taken – single.
Zodiac sign - Leo

* YOUR APPEARANCES

How tall are you – around 167-8 cm
Wish you were taller – sometimes.
Eye color – black
Eye color you want – black
Natural Hair color – black
Current Hair color - black
Short or long hair – shoulder length
Ever dye your hair a bizarre color – nope
Curly,Straight,Wavy - wavy
Last time you did something dramatic with your hair – cut it short.
Glasses or contacts – none
Do you wear make-up – yes
Ever had hair extensions - nope.
Paint your nails – nope

* IN THE OPPOSITE GENDER

What color eyes – black or brown.
What color hair – black
Shy or Outgoing – outgoing
Looks or personality – personality
Sexy or Cute – cuteness
Serious or Fun – Fun
Older or Younger than you – doesn't matter
A turn on – intellectual
A turn off - penyepah

* THIS OR THAT

Flowers or Chocolate – Chocolate
Pepsi or Coke – Pepsi
Rap or Rock – rap
Relationship or One night stand - relationship.
School or Work – School.
Love or Money – Love.
Movies or Music – Music
Country or City – City
Sunny or Rainy days – Rainy
Friends or Family – Family

* HAVE YOU EVER

Lied – yes
Stole something – hearts (lame, aku tahu!).
Smoked – yes (curiosity can kill monkeys, not human)
Hurt someone close to you - yes.
Broke someone’s heart - yes.
Had your heart broken – yes
Wondered what was wrong with you – yes
Wish you were a prince/princess – nope
Liked someone who was taken – nopes
Shaved your head – nope
Been in love - yes
Used chopsticks – yes.
Sang in the mirror to yourself –every time.
Ever cried over someone - yes.
Is there anything you wish you could change about yourself –yes.
Do you think you’re attractive? – yes
If you had to choose a fairytale as your life what would you choose - Shrek
Do you play any sports – futsal

* FAVORITES

Flower – Daisies
Candy – snickers
Song – Ayu (VE)
Scent – Daisy by Marc Jacobs
Color – black
Movie – Buli
Singer – John Legend.
Words - damn it!
Junk food - burger
Website – youtube
Lotion – crabtree and evelyn
Anime – Bleach