In A Pineapple Under The Vast Sea

An Open Letter of An Open Heart

2011-03-07T23:49:00.003+11:00

I woke up, quite startled as I was rudely jolted from a long dream. A dream I didn't necessarily wanted to escape from because in that particular reverie, I could see you. I can't quite remember what we were up to but after 4 months of not seeing you, it felt surreal to be able to share a space albeit it was imaginary or rather, a subconscious hope that still lingers. A hope that I have falsely built in my being for the past 4 years- that you, of course, will not be held responsible for because you have never said anything.

4 years would have been a long time for either of us to decide what was best for us, whether we were given the opportunity to grace each others' life forever. But I have refused to see the real picture and I blame myself for not being able to acknowledge that we might not last. I blame myself for perceiving the signals that I assumed meant a reciprocated feeling and I blame myself for falling in love when it was uncalled for.

I remember that you would make me feel like a teenager on the early mornings when we had a date as I would sing along to cheesy pop tunes while smiling and grooming for the upcoming hours that I have been looking forward for three months. The distance just made me love the prospect of seeing you and observing what changes have curtailed in you. Then I would hear stories about people I haven't met and listen to whatever is on your mind. I would eat and you would.. watch! Then I would talk and you would listen back. It was like table tennis, I know. And I could just be myself with you, no pretension of any sort because that is how I wished you could be with me. I loved your jokes, the way you'd sometimes be moody for no reasons and your wild imagination. It was refreshingly great for me to be with a man like you.

Alas, after a few years, you probably then came to realise that I am not the one hence we ought to readdress whatever we have shared and voila- I am suddenly your friend. You used to make my life fulfilled that when we decided to let this go, there is this huge hollow void in me. But I have this funny feeling that you are moving on quite well, that my absence actually gives you some freedom and liberation. Currently, I don't know what hurts more- the idea of not being with you or the thought that I have been chaining you down for God-knows-how-long. For all those phone calls and texts that were left unattended, it's evident of your reluctance of even reserving a tiny space for me. I kicked myself for continuously degrading myself by doing so but as all men and women who have to experience this crazy feeling of letting go, I would finally remind myself that I am unwanted by you.

All of those thoughts ran through my head in a wild few minutes, with my emotions shattered into pieces. I wiped a lone tear and clipped my hair as I head for a shower because a new day is beginning. A fresh start needs to be made but it was all led by a single notion- you.

Of seasons and tears

2011-01-08T22:10:00.001+11:00

Tears pool in my fiery eyes,
Held by a refusal of weakness
As I asked myself over again
Of the impossibility of this
Yet it's all there for us to see
No matter how blind we are
The season of loneliness sets in
Yet again with no warning of sorts
Threatening the soul abiding within
No more blooming, no sunshine
No clear skies, no chirpings,
Silence abound, darkness engulfing
The tears plead on to the soul
Asking to be released just once
As the lonely season seems calling
For a companion on his land
Those tears whisper on
'maybe we can shy away this season
Drench it out & chase it there'
The soul gives in to the reason
The pool overflows the banks
Hoping for the season to leave

two roads diverged

2010-12-16T16:34:00.002+11:00

as i have so proudly proclaimed in a previous post, i am now a driver although you might think that i am about 7 years late.. a close company said that i am a 'modernised driver with a late license' after an online banter where i rightfully so called him a cat murderer for running over a meowing creature on his attempts to drive. but that's just the thing, most of us will go through a traumatising experience as novice driver, whatmore if your first few weeks are spent driving in KL, the merciless city.

why do i say it's merciless, you ask? well, it's because the P sign pasted on my car means nothing to other drivers, maybe they think my P stands for 'pelumba' instead of 'percubaan' as they expect that i must be able to cilok through any roads without hesitations. yes, i have passed the JPJ test successfully but i feel that experienced drivers should cut us some slacks and give us some opportunities to master the skills of driving. some drivers just love to tailgate us, new drivers, with a smirk on their face. Abang rasa jantan ya bila buat mcm tu?

and i bet that any good citizen who feel that law is something fundamental and somewhat sacred, will agree that drivers in Malaysia are forced to continuously break the rules or else, risk being road bullied or ridiculed by others. the roadsigns mean nothing, the speed limit seems to be a sore loser who screams silently in its red & white reminder. no one gives a damn about the rules as though whatever they have learnt during those 8 gruelling hours at the driving schools seem to go out the window when dealing in real life situation.

yet i have to remind myself against my own frustration that almost everything we learn theoretically would usually be something else when applied in practical terms. not much of what we have learnt in school or college are in any way a parallel to real life, right? so, why did i become such an idealist when i very well knew that what appeared in books can only prepare me so much while the rest depends on me?

maybe the idea that i am deemed as inadequate to compete while at the same time risking many lives on the road seem to be weary and dreadful because i am usually turned on by the idea of being in control (hence i chose being a teacher instead the owh-so-depending-on-the-judge-lawyer.) How do i overcome the frustration while being objective if people continue to push me into doing things that i disdain?
for these two roads that i have in front of me do not seem to be appealing at all- one to be a wreckless and selfish driver who might endanger my life while the other to be a driver who follows rules but honked and sneered at all the time.

jomlah kita pening sama-sama and figure this out.

Why is it so?

2010-12-13T23:16:00.003+11:00

It is a recurring comment that I will let out every time I leave the cinema-

'This place looks like a trash can'

The sight of pop corn being left scattered all over the place with the empty containers left dangling on the edge of the seats and the drink packets just lying helplessly on the floor. It was as if people who watch the movies just expect the place to clean up by itself, ala wonderland in Disney cartoons but then again, I always get that nudge on my side saying that "they have cleaners, Ana".. Wait, are those MY friends giving the comment? Yup, apparently so.

What is that disease that we have that we seem so intent to make sure that these people have a job-cleaners and sweepers etc? And we also seem so keen on making them work so hard to earn their salary while you waltz away, sneering at their jobs when in fact, our world would be a dumpster if they weren't around. Having foreign workers as the dominant group involved in this field also certainly does not add value to their contribution to society as people continuously mock the sacred cleanliness that we all should practice.

What I find appalling might be normal to you as we all grew up depending on the cleaners to literally clean up after us but honestly, how hard can it be for us to just pick our own trash? Remember when we were studying abroad, we owh-so-obligingly picked up our tray of fast food litters to be tossed into the can without batting an eyelid but do it here, you get stares from the crowd that finally you just succumb to not doing so for fear of being called a freak.

But I say let's all be a freak now and learn to accept these small responsibilities. Only when we can do so, we will feel that we own this country as our home, not as somewhere we intend to just make a pit-stop. If you are walking down a street and you see a piece of paper, pick it up and if you must, wash your hands after wards (or use that sleek hand sanitiser stashed deep in your bag). If you see a cleaner cleaning up a toliet, offer to hold the door for her because I think even you feel nauseous cleaning your own toilet of your own shit.

Let's all start somewhere now. This is a reminder for me, you and you that small acts lead to great changes, a flicker of light can shine a whole prairie if only we see the power of what we can do.

And the lesson learnt..

2010-12-13T22:10:00.005+11:00

Hello, Mr and Miss (as well as Mrs). Looks like the 6 months hiatus has come to an end and much has transpired since I have last written on these virtual pages. For some who might have noticed the absence, why you may ask?

The answer is pure and simple: Abstinence. It was a humbling experience on how to avoid oneself from being too immersed in the digital life trap and from what I have gathered along the way, I have also learnt that keeping mum usually, although not always, will drive you nuts!

So here I am, let's update on what has happened in my life so far. I call the year 2010 as the year of achieving maturity and gathering more wealth, both material and spiritual where I have gained properties and skills that will last me a long time. Never have I thought that I would be able to drive but now, it's a reality. Now an owner of a house and a car, I shoulder more responsibility than I thought I could. Commitment abound, I feel obliged to revise my budgeting and look into new ventures to gain more revenue. So the lesson learnt to be applied next year: more hardwork and less shoe-shopping, y'all.

Though, I feel less healthy this year as I had too many tasks to do at work that sometimes I might forget to take my lunch and dinner. So the figured out solution: bring home cooked meals from home. Hot piping in a brand new food container (okay, that's a new year gift for self).

In the friendship department, all is well. I feel that my relationship with the people around me has improved. Take Eika, for example. Ever since we became housemates, I felt that we have become closer (aku sorang je perasan? hahaha). Kak Aizar and Kak Jia give me the necessary reminders in life. Nabil- simply THE BEST. Nina, the gem has always been there. Durra is the partner-in-crime of all time and talking with you just makes me feel whole most of the time. Aimi- you drive me crazy but again, that's what I love about you. Nisya- you are the cooling factor, man.. hahaha. Most of them are either hitched or getting hitched soon and I am so damn happy for them. Truly, you guys genuinely make me feel loved. Lesson learnt for next year: keep them by your side because these guys are irreplaceable.

In the love department, life hasn't always been great but I do enjoy the ups and bemoan the downs. I just wish that he shows more attention and care, but then again, I might be deemed as too demanding. I can stand 5 months not seeing him and that's because I plainly care too much for him. I may hang around now but I honestly do not know how long I am able to do so. We are phasing into the 3rd year of dating and for most, that's long for a non-committing relationship. A lot of advices have been given, most prodding me on to just look elsewhere for love but I am too certain of my feelings for him. Lesson learnt for next year: just follow your guts and do what your heart says even if it might sound absurd.

Such lessons in life may come in handy for me to reflect on my doings (and undoings, for that matter). The year has been fulfilling and overwhelming, simultaneously. But then again, doesn't that show that your life is lived to the fullest?

Coarse Gentleness, Gentle Coarseness

2010-03-16T18:56:00.004+11:00

If you are an avid fan of the P Ramlee movies, especially the comedies, you would not be surprised to discover that the man uses a lot of what would be considered coarse and harsh language today. For example, the infamous “kepala hotak kau berjambul” that does not make any sense what so ever was probably first heard in Seniman Bujang Lapok when the manager, Kemat Hassan scolded a subordinate who could not make it to work that day. It seemed perfectly fine, in fact it incites an intense want to just laugh out loud. It was full of camaraderie and we felt comfortable in the zone. However, have that similar line pronounced by one of our comics today, the rule would be this is a PG13 movie for its harsh or (horror!) vulgar language. Looks like the movies today have been cleaned up or have it not? So, did we just grow much sensitive or did we just decide to think that we’re much more civilised nowadays?

Having read The Malaysian Way of Life where there is one cleverly written article by someone I could not bother to look up now, it was deduced that Malay Language is probably one of the very few languages in the world that does not portray any foul words when it is used in the media which is pretty much on the contrary for many of the users of the language itself. Self censorship is pretty much non-existent and thus signifying why the ubiquitous way of parents punishing their child by “cilikan” their mouth for experimenting with some of the restricted words. It would suffice to say that many of the words used has connections to the genitalia of either male or female or even references to sexual connotations.

But just as the F word in English Language dictionary has developed itself to now be a noun, adjective, adverb from its former function as a verb, the Malay Language has also found its own way to say things in a twofold way that it brings subtle double meanings. So you can restrict what they say in a straight forward manner but you can’t stop them from implying something because they could say it was perfectly innocent. Cunning eyh? Indeed, man finds a way to do what it wants even when it doesn’t appear so. For example, take this scene in the movie MySpy that I watched in the cinemas last year:

Scene: AC and Harun were trapped in a refrigerator without bare minimum clothing on their back. In order to overcome the chill, they decided to hug each other. This was what they said

AC: Kau ada rasa apa-apa tak?
Harun: Kau rasa apa? Aku ada juga terasa...
AC: Kau rasa apa??
Harun: Adalah sesuatu...

The rest of the movie was also filled with dialogues as such and as a movie-goer, it is not inaccurate to point out that elements of racial defamatory, female discrimination, homophobia and discrimination against transgender would be the jokes to poke our hearts in current movies. Needless to say, such kitsch brand of comedy just does not work with me and I reckon also towards a majority of other spectators. However, it is the small kids nowadays that grow up watching these movies that we should worry about because in our effort to stop our children from cursing, we are teaching them to be bigots. Teaching them that when a man hugs another man, there is surely something to worry about. That women who do not have a pretty face cannot wear decent clothing. This stereotype, that perception which now seem to colour the landscape of our current society.

It’s time we rethink what are the underlying values of our societies, whether it is alright to laugh at things that we ought not to because in the end, it is not what you say but how you say it.

We Are All Machas

2010-03-16T12:18:00.003+11:00

another one from That Effing Show of PopTeeVee

Oi You

2010-03-16T10:52:00.002+11:00

Oi You,
I Love You,
But I'll ruin everything,
If I told you,
Oi You,
I Want To Marry You,
But you'll leave everything,
If I asked you to,
Oi You,
I Sakit Kepala,
Pura-pura I Don't Mind,
Yang You Tak Kisah Too

Star

2010-03-16T07:18:00.004+11:00

“I wish that dad would come back”

Yet another loud whisper woke me up from my deep slumber, adding a sudden pang of ache to my pulsing head. It was rather dark still, with a distant glimmer from the others like little glass beads being showered with astonishing glare of rays. I thought of that hopeful whisper and shut my eyes hard. Maybe I was hoping that there was something I could do about it, maybe I was merely trying in vain to attain more rest. I did not know what I wanted. But I knew everything seemed impossible just as every other quaint murmur- sometimes muffled while others quite piercing- would always distract me from getting more sleep. I rolled over on my resting point and drifted away in my train of thoughts.

Born 7 years ago in Magellan, I have grown up listening to angry pleas and mournful hopes, I was scared and puzzled so I used to scream at night thus waking everyone in the vicinity. They stared at me when I roamed around the town and they mocked my answer when I told them about the voices. Mummy tried to take it all in and raise me up as a mother and father would but I think it got too much for her so she packed up our things and told me that we are going on a visit to Big Momma’s house in Persei. I leaped with joy as we have never gone anywhere but being gone was what she did. She wafted away from me like a puff of smoke as we reached Persei and taking me into her stride, the fiercely wilful Big Momma who was mummy’s closest kith said that I should ignore all those voices, that they were all just inside my head. She told me to withstand the sounds and endure them like a man despite my young age because I am no ordinary kid. I knew I had to fit in and build myself again so I did as I was told. Plainly said, we never talked about it anymore.

I would have never thought of sharing my dreams and fears with anyone here. I just wanted to be like everyone else, just like the hundreds of us in this quiet little city of lights because if you’re different, you stick out like a sore thumb. So I went on with life and played little games with all the others and ignoring the voices I hear as I hopscotch just to batter my limbs, to burst with energy or to explode in anger from time to time. I had to dominate to rise from a lonely spot into a force to be reckoned with. It is never easy to do that but we all try to.

As years passed by, I have grown with a healthy glow about me and I shine like an imaginary pearl glazed with lucent gold. I have knocked out everyone else from the equation to be the most powerful in town for I stole the limelight only for myself. Alas, the voices kept getting louder and more defined as I got stronger. It messed up my head sometimes and I threw some tantrums to stop them but all I get is little ‘ooohsss’ and ‘aaahhhss’ of wonder. Those voices never gave up and continuously coo their songs of yearning without fail. Then, one day, it came: a peculiar revelation as the voices slowly subsided into nothing.

I grew hollow inside and felt lonelier than I ever did before. My spirit dimmed and nothing seemed able to revive it, not even the longest nap I ever had in my life. I suffered in the unfamiliar tranquillity though that was all I wished for all my life. Unable to fathom this, I brought myself to Big Momma’s door. She still beamed with radiance even after all these years. Sensing my distraught manner, she cajoled me in and asked of my wellbeing. I have lost my ability to show weakness so I said in a stiff voice,

“I have not been listening to them. I thought I would be happy but it disturbs me that they don’t. Is there something wrong with me?”

She stood still and let out a heavy sigh, as if heaving out a burden contained in her chest. Her eyes flickered with a malicious secret that receded that sigh, as if it evoked a certain memory that just cornered itself into her mind. She opened her mouth then hesitated to say something.

“You should tell me, Big Momma,” my voice finding a sympathetic tone.

“You’re different, Cygnus. You’re gifted for you have been chosen among all of us to be the Wish. It is their wishes that make you strong and hopeful because with their hopes, you build yours. You see that blue spot there? That is your wishing point where all your wishes come from,”

“But why have they stopped wishing?”

“I do fear that this day will come, when they would give up on hope and become non-believers. When love becomes a stranger and wrath governs for when this happens, they will destroy each other. It is now time for a reminder and it requires a huge sacrifice,”

Big Momma’s eyes were now heavy with grimness. I threw a glance at the blue spot that I have never bothered about before and thought about how I have affected these people.

“I will do it, Big Momma. I will…”

I kissed her cheek and stormed off. She was shouting my name but I was too fast for her. I sped off towards the end of Persei and as I got there, I was quivering with zest. I looked out towards that blue spot that seemed a million miles away and remembered all the prayers I have feigned not to hear before. As all of them came rushing into my mind, I spread out my hands and felt my heart thumping with a million beats of promises. A surge of energy centred on all those hopes and I gloried in all of them. I smiled in the glory and shone into a blinding brightness that shook Persei off her feet. I dazzled in the knowledge that my existence was not in vain, that I was not a freak but I am a saviour.

*****************************************************************************************
“You’re watching CNN War Minutes and you’re here with Randy Miller. Reports have been cited of a possibility that the gleaming ray of light seen on the sky last night for about 5 minutes everywhere around the world was a supernova that erupted in the Chi Persei Galaxy located a billion miles from the Earth. This phenomenon is dubbed as Nova Cygni and convinced that this is a miracle for it is rare occurrence to be seen by the naked eyes, many were found dumping their weapons and flooding mosques, churches and synagogues instead to seek solace while hoping for the world to be a better place. This seems like a sign for a new beginning after years of animosity and let us all hope that hope never fades.”

Ahoy, The Competitive Coach!

2010-03-14T15:25:00.000+11:00

It is a well known fact about me that I am extremely competitive and I strive for the best in what I am passionate about. All my friends even said that they would never participate in Amazing Race with me for the mere fact that I would drive them crazy with my constant pushing about. However things are not going that well for me lately and “I am sick of being the loser”, would the phrase I would like to shout out now!

Story is we participated in a somewhat prestigious debate competition for certain types of school recently and have managed to prove to everyone that we were able to put up a fight. We beat 4 out of 5 schools in the preliminary rounds and Suhail (woaaahhh, it’s the first time this name is ever mentioned here…) won the best speaker in the 5 aforementioned preliminary rounds.

Come semi-finals, was up against one of the schools that did quite well in the SPM 2009 results and the motion was:

This house believes he who controls the Information Technology controls the world

Our position: Opposition

We nailed it, ladies and gentleman. We sealed the deal but because of the presupposition by some rather narrow minded people, it came across as if we did not deserve to win. Our points were solid and we set plus controlled the motion on that day. No POIs at all from both the first and second ministers of the government and their points were supported by mere sweeping statements with neither facts nor data. We provided data and facts plus reports from United Nations, USA and whatnots while they spoke about Facebook and top-up cards. It was a clear cut win for the Opposition with poor rebuttals from the Government. Call me biased but I do know what I am talking about as 12 years of experience at different levels does come in handy now. Though Suhail was the best speaker, alas, we lost!

The only thing that saddens me is Suhail could not make it to the national levels because of this unjust treatment. If there is a good reason why I want to win this, it would be for him rather than for myself. The guy debated for 5 years, for goodness sake! I think, as his teacher, I have failed to bring him to a better level probably due to my inability to put together a good team for the debate which brings me to point that it is very apparent that my students have a chronic inability to think critically and they are also afraid to live up to the expectation. I had debaters pulling out of the team when I only had a week to go and had to train another girl in that same duration.

Everybody in my school keeps shoving everyone else except for themselves into the team and they would cringe if we identified them to be a debater as if being one is like slitting your own throat. I hate to admit that most of them are cowards who keep putting themselves down and not believing in themselves. I remember when I was in school, we fought for the part to be a debater and being in a community where we had a lot of Chinese and Indian friends, the atmosphere becomes competitive and everyone puts in their best. To be a debater, you really had to debate your way in and such was the practice that I had to succeed in life.

I am going to miss having a Suhail in my team next year and I would hollow out the earth if I have to in order to find someone even half as good as him. It might have been destined that we lost but I am happy that he would be acknowledged as the BEST SPEAKER of the whole competition (you’re just too good, dude!). You did win something and you owe it all to yourself. Anyway, Thank you and congratulations to my debate team who made it to the semi-finals and a heartfelt appreciation for Suhail who made all of these possible. Although I screamed and shouted at them because of my drive to win, they stood by me. Even when I scolded them severely, they smiled at me. Thank you for putting up with the competitive b***h in me and for not turning away when things were at a boiling point. I Love You Guys

Aiqa Chica

2010-03-10T17:54:00.000+11:00

Just goes to show we're never short of real talent.

Dignity in An Egg

2010-02-04T12:20:00.002+11:00

Have you ever been to one of those motivational camps, where you are given an egg and asked to hold on to it for the rest of the camp? Then, the facilitators or so rightfully shortened into, "Fasis" (hah!) would punish those who did not manage to guard their eggs and then, explain that it is their dignity that the participants have let go of.

A f***ing egg as the symbol of my dignity? So fragile, such foul-smelling creature and a rotten imagery of colours. It is all gelled up together, dripping everywhere when broken, with dried chicken poop covering the egg shell. And that is my dignity?

If there is something that metaphorically should stand as a symbol of my dignity, itc would aptly be a diamond- solid, shiny and almost translucent. Yes, it needs years to be formed but once it's there, it's unbreakable and cuts through steel like nobody's business.. Now, that's a woman's worth!

So if you hear of any camps that has diamonds, give me a buzz.

On a slightly different note, I am an advocate of self-motivation and I don't believe that some nerdy guy with a nasal voice who wears his pants high up to waist can tell me what I need to do to succeed. It comes from within and you seek God's help for that light. You don't need a middleman for that, seriously...

Linen of Time

2010-02-03T16:42:00.002+11:00

I faded UNDER the linen of time,
When all that would MEAN is losing me,
Hold on, I have NEVER found me,
I have NEVER even searched for me,
I figured that time do CAST a spell,
And bewitches souls that CHANGE for none,
Of all the belittling GLARE under revered eyes,
Though I was ONCE a king, warrior, defender,
But as time blankets the CYCLE of life,
I am neither there NOR here now,
And I Hold My Breath Under The Linen of Time...

For Tut(1341BC-1324BC)

The Secret

2009-11-07T10:29:00.000+11:00

The grey-haired doctor shuffled through my chart, searching for words to explain his own uncertainties to a bewildered man in front of him. His pockmarked forehead was crinkled by lines of confusion as though asserting my suspicions that whatever was happening to me, it was definitely not one of a normal occurrence. While he puts on his thick glasses, he cleared his throat nervously and his eyes glide across the current sheet he was referring to before they rested intently on me. The air of the small white consultation room located at the end of the second floor of this recently privatised hospital was choking me along with his deep gaze.

“So, you have been experiencing this blood vomiting for almost a month?”
“Yes… Indeed. It has been exactly 29 days but no one can ever tell me what is wrong with me. I can handle anything so just tell me, doc”

He could sense my desperation for the truth through that quiver in my voice yet there was little he can say. He relayed an answer given by all the medical practitioners I have visited in the past month which is “We could not find anything wrong with you”. I got on my feet and turned my back on the doctor who was still perplexed with his own inability to determine my disease despite being highly recognised as the best in his field. Well, to me, he was only my 5th doctor who brought me nothing but further qualms of my condition. It seemed fruitless then to enquire further because I knew that I would only be further subjected to a series of inconclusive tests.

I dragged myself along with my thoughts back to my village. It was a silent journey of bus changes and taxi mounting before I had to take the humble roads that could only be traversed by feet. The moon was overtaking the sun as my torch and when I was at the edge of the village, my limp was slightly emphasised as I strolled hastily past Nek Bidah’s lavish abode that would be fitting for kings of yesteryears. Nevertheless, Nek Bidah would still know I am here. She always does, doesn’t she?

“Rosman, why are you walking so fast? Don’t you want to come to say hi to this old lady?” cried a coarse voice affected by many years of tobacco addiction.

I turned around to face the 107 year old woman who was flashing her perfect teeth to me in an evil grin. As soon as I saw her unbelievably smooth, olive skinned face, the urge to vomit overwhelmed me again as always when I pass by in front of this house. A light bulb was switched on in my head. Yes! It has always been right here, when I was going by in front of this house daily after work that I would throw up pools of blood. My head spun like a spinning top. My twenty-year-old frame could not take it anymore. Inadvertently, I had to stoop and give in to the offensive impulse yet another time.

I could feel her long nailed fingers rubbing my back, easing me during the process of discarding the unwanted off me. I could smell the fragrant jasmine that always adorns her hair without fail all these years as I grew up watching her. Nek Bidah is a cousin of my great grandmother but they have never been on the same page ever since Nek Bidah married a shaman who practiced black magic in my village. I also heard through the grapevines that Nek Bidah killed her own husband about 50 years ago as she developed the burning desire to become better than he was in sorcery. With that, she became one and she was rather famed across the country for her ability to dispel one from the surface of the Earth with a snap of her fingers. I suddenly got the chills when I realised those are the same fingers trying to relieve me from my misery.

I wanted to leap free from her but oddly, I felt relaxed and at ease with her. I turned to look at her and I almost fell out of horror. With bubbles frothing from her mouth, Nek Bidah was chanting what seemed like gibberish I could not comprehend with her blood shot eyes popping out from their socket. Realising my terror, she grabbed my right hand with her left hand firmly and held my neck with her other free one. Her vigor was so tremendous for a woman her age that I was lifted off the ground and was gasping for my breath. My hands were all over the place, reaching out for hope of being saved that seemed like a thing with feathers right now. I felt as if I would die in another few seconds so instinctively, I said a few prayers to God.

At the very instant, she let go of me and shrieked as if she was burning in flames. She rolled on my vomit that has become a puddle on the sandy ground and she was scratching her own face with her nails until it was bleeding. I was under a sense of shock and fled from the scene immediately. While running away, I glanced behind me to see Nek Bidah was writhing on the ground and shouting profanities. With my new found courage and strength, I darted off like a cheetah towards my own house at the other end of my ancient village. My heart was pounding with the intensity of my own speed and as I reached the veranda of my house, I fainted on the floor.

In the headlines the next day:

“A 107 year old woman was found dead in a horrifying state in Kampung Danau, Kuantan yesterday. The deceased was identified as Bidahtun Thajuddin who has been living alone for the past 50 years and is said to have no direct heir or next of kin to claim her body at the nearest hospital. Anyone who has any information about the death could notify the nearest police station as it is a suspected homicide”

Mother was dabbing some Axe brand oil on my forehead and lamenting on about how Nek Bidah was looking for someone to inherit her “saka” or guardian devil that has been taking care of her possessions all this while. The only reason why she has lived for more than a century was because she could not find a new master for the devil who lives on its master’s fresh blood. Mother recalled that the devil would have to devour the blood for 30 days and then, it will obey everything its new master says.

I was on a whirlwind of emotions. I just lost my voice and looked at my bruised hand, wondering what would have happened otherwise.

Aduhai Anak-Anak Aku

2009-10-29T14:09:00.002+11:00

This is very disappointing but I just discovered that one of my colleagues has been a serious victim of slander among students. What more, they were boys. She was said to be asking personal question as she was supposedly so desperate and interested in finding a boyfriend. To add salt to wound, the boy who started this calumny was actually someone who was considerably close to my colleague.

Bois, bois.. You guys continue to give us reasons to change our perception on all of you. Why do you have to be so bad mouthed? Foul in the language that you use to talk about your teachers? Even though you don't say it directly to her, it still brings the same defamatory effect to her. I know her and I know she is happy with her current life. She doesn't need anyone's brothers as a boyfriend.

Freaking 16 year olds yet still very much immature. Addressing teachers with just their names behind the teachers back. "Eh, Ana Shirin dah sampai ke?" Kau ingat kitaorang ni adik-adik kau?

I can only guess what they will talk behind my back but just know that we crack our heads and hearts in the continuous effort to give you the best. If you guys continue to break it needlessly, it is not impossible that you can deter our spirits to teach. I might peter out because of you guys.

A Change is Gonna Come

2009-10-26T17:43:00.002+11:00

An attention seeker, I am... Attention giver, you are.

To all my form four students, the blog for ALL of you is now here. I just figured that there is no sense to have two separate blogs for one sole purpose. Don't be lazy, go there now.

Anyhow, mates.. What happened to Much Ado?? Come on, let's spice it up again!

Blogging to Blog

2009-10-26T17:30:00.001+11:00

This house believes that all teachers should have a blog.

I'm now in a Latihan Dalam Perkhidmatan (LADAP) on how to build a blog. Woaaah, I feel so high-tech all of the sudden. I know what some people need courses for.. Hehehe

Alamak, that was counted as a brag, no? Takpa, takpa, no one likes a know-all. I'll just pretend that I don't know a thing about the topic. Maybe that can make more people to be relaxed, especially moi who is half-smirking at the poorly functioning LCD projector.

This blog has been a great avenue for people to get to know me, do I want more to do so? eerrmm.. n

Motion: Denied

Mind Crunching

2009-10-22T17:05:00.002+11:00

Papadom is probably one of the best thing ever invented in the world. Something spicy yet crunchy. It's versatile as it goes with most Malay+Indian cuisines and it's almost everyone's cup of tea.

Same goes to the movie which borrows that Malaysian household name, Papadom by Afdlin Shauki. With the exception of SumoLah, I have never missed out on any Afdlin's movie (either as a cast or a director) and although Papadom is not my absolute favourite, the movie has succeeded in trying to achieve its objective and pass on the message. After I finished watching it, I thought of texting my loved ones to say I love them because I don't know when I would lose them. Alas, my battery was almost out so I decided to do it later (which I never got around to, of course)

Liyana Jasmay was a bit errmmm.. well, childish for my liking but I guess that is because her character requires her to be a bit manja (I know she's a talented actress but I think she had a much, much better performance in Histeria by James Lee). Que Haidar is probably my favourite person in this movie, adding another highly-characterised role under his belt. Wajib Tayang is, indeed, the epitome of all losers who are winners.

When you watch the movie and see how the cinematography was brilliantly coupled with ingenious story telling, a normal, typical tale comes to life in what feels like your own family crisis yet a bit detached so that you can be objective and pick up the moral values signal they are cleverly transmitting to you. Love and appreciate your love ones but allow them the opportunity to be free and make their own mistakes.

I think it's not too late to text all those people in my life now...

Go With The Flow

2009-10-22T11:42:00.002+11:00

But how if the flow is slow? Absolutely slow and you feel that you need to give it a push. Really, really give it a push...

I have taught where I have been teaching for about 10 months and I wish that I could literally push the kids from one place to another. Moving from the lab to the class is when they take the opportunity to take a stroll in the park, causing teachers to wait 10-15 minutes for them to come in. And not an inch of regret is shown on their face, as if I should be alright with them coming in late.

For me, I try to be as punctual as I can with the teaching periods and would usually reach at least two minutes beforehand. I think that is one way to show that you look forward to teaching and you appreciate the students. Sadly, it's not mutual. They probably never looked forward to learning anything.

The students like to complain about the administrators and the system but they themselves do not realise that they are one of the reasons why the system is as such. Slow as a snail, sleeping during prep time and they say they have given their best. Their best, my foot. No wonder they are not achieving.

I studied in a normal daily school which some of these students look down upon but I think I have learnt to be more human and in constant hunger for excellence. I have learnt to be independent and not under appreciate all those that my teacher has given me. The papers I photostated, the notes I've produced, the activities I thought of..

Next year, I am going to teach like all those other teachers. Buy a freaking workbook and finish it up.

Demeaning The Meanie

2009-10-22T11:20:00.003+11:00

Do you happen to know some people who have some kind of inferiority complex and try to overcome it by looking down on you? They ask questions in a degrading way, for example:

"Ewwww, you pakai ke baju ni keluar jalan-jalan kat KL? Kalau I, I tak pakai."

This is just one of those nasty comments when you bought something just recently and you kinda like it, in fact you know it looks good on you. But they just continuously try to make you question yourself. Sometimes, you ask them a question and they make this puzzled, your-question-is-incomprehensible face. Kenapa ya? Rasa bagus sangat ka?

After knowing my awesome friends who have been in my life for between 6-13 years, all these new people I meet are starting to get on my nerves so much so that I cringe seeing their faces daily. All those backstabbing, bitching and talking...

It just made me realise that I love my friends (Nin, Durs, Sya, Mi, Bil, Cap) too much, there's no match for their patience and love.

For All The Single Ladies

2009-10-07T11:55:00.000+11:00

I am a proud YouTube buff...

Realising The Mistakes We Make...

2009-10-01T23:51:00.002+10:00

When we are able to make choices and be all we wanted, we become as obsessed as we would be with any new fixation. We always try to find new endeavours to challenge ourselves and optimistic with all the positive callings in life.

But sometimes, we forget that we do all these choices without taking into consideration all the people around us. If we do, we suspect that we will be held back and we think we will not progress in life.

I realise that I must look at each and everyone in my life. You, I have fallen in love and now, life is different.

That Awesome Oprah Video!

2009-09-30T15:47:00.004+10:00

I've always wanted to do a mob squad, I think it was a plan that me and 'Ainur never really put into action. But this is seriously cool, enjoy this awesome idea that happened just earlier this month. Credits to Harpo Production

Whip Them All, Boy!

2009-09-30T10:27:00.003+10:00

Yeah, I've decided to go on a hiatus to take a break on dishing out the dirt on someone else but this is something that has been lurking at the back of my mind for a while.

This one woman that created such an onslaught of bickering and defending by contrasting parties. Kartika, she is.. Havoc, she wrecked by drinking in public. How public was it? I am not entirely sure as Cherating usually indoor pubs (aku tahu ke benda ni? owwhh.. tidak!)

It just got me thinking, all these while I have been hanging out at various spots in KL and have seen Malay (which presumably are Muslims-yeah, the constitution says so.. pi baca if tak caya) gulping down bottles of Heineken while playing poker in really open food courts. So much to say that it has become such a usual sight and no one turns twice anymore.

Although personally I do not practice alcohol as I have an intense hatred of the substance, I did not see the problem as something that I personally have something to do with. I assume almost everyone in my circle of friends do not drink or has stopped the habit. Hence, I always thought enforcement has been poor and more action should be taken by the authorities to curb the situation.

But as Kartika attracts so much international and local attention, I become to wonder if this country is even ready to accept the laws that have been outlined for the general good. I am sure that a lot of people are all for the caning but for the fear of being called an extremist, they succumbed to being quiet (urrmm.. I am feeling a bit hot too). Somehow, caning a chick seems just too mean and doesn't protect her human rights, no?

So it baffles me as to why after Kartika, there has been no cases reported of the same punishment being implemented. Have people learned their lessons from Kartika's episode or they have just became smarter to not drink publicly? Answer to both is NO. Through a random visit to a few spots implied afore in this post, things have not changed. The effectiveness of such publicised penalty could not reach its aim. Thus,
I strongly feel, as any educationist would agree, that continuous re-enforcement should be able to increase the ability of the implementation of the law and the authority should not be afraid of staying by the book.

Whip not just one girl, Whip them all equally.

*as always, this is a personal opinion. Take no offence, we're all here for each other's good*

Wohoo..

2009-08-28T03:25:00.002+10:00

For the time being, this is how I get satisfaction.

*Thanks for Snow, Aimi Luv*

Mailed!

2009-08-20T11:56:00.005+10:00

Guess what arrived in the mail about two weeks ago?? NME2 through the not-so snail mail! In your face, Kuantan!

Here's what happened: The whole school was anxiously waiting for the announcement of whether our school would be granted with a week break due to H1N1 outbreak so I notified Nina of the issue. She let out a shriek, I was surprised!

Nina: Ana, you kena tunggu sampai posmen datang tomorrow tau!
Ana : Haaa... why??
Nina: Because I sent something through the mail... You KENA tunggu!
Ana : (being smart as I always am) Did you sent in NME2?
Nina: Yeaaaaaaaa... I couldn't bear to think that you akan read the book two weeks lagi
Ana : Kaaaaan??? But Oh My God! You sangat sayang kat I, I sayang you juga *tears*
Nina: Awwwwhhh.. Durra yang beli, I postkan
Ana : I sayang jugaklah kat Durra... But you, you... *speechless*

My Girls are the best.. Who can top this?

*by now, I have finished reading the book and I can't wait for NME3.. hats off to Amir Sharipudin, Ann Lee and Shanon Shah for opening the curious can of the unknown for me*

The Best Way

2009-08-05T23:59:00.004+10:00

What is the best way of giving some constructive feedback to your students? You know, without sounding harsh and pushing some wrong buttons?

I guess for any new or beginning teachers, we all face the same problem. Feedback is essential for every work, be it marks or remarks yet you just don't know what will the response to the feedback be. You just want to be honest for everyone's sake but how to put it in the most intellectual and encouraging way, that's the quest.

I wish I could pat everyone at the back and say "Good Job" but the standard is raised as the time passes by. I want to see imrpovement, from good to better to best. Most of people haven't really reached good yet being at better shouldn't leave you too comfortable.

Okay, so you have tried writing about lands in Europe and homes of sausages... For other essays, try to tell me something I don't already know. Instead of focusing on the narrative or the plot, you can have a little more emphasis on the characters' soul. Not from the surface, but dwell into its inner thoughts. What do people in certain situation, sometimes compromising ones, think of when they do it?

Also, pick a setting that's beyond here and now. The groovy 60s, for example, is one of the best example. Yes, have some readings on music of the time, the cultural practices. Talk about Malaysia of yesteryears, when students were rulers, for example. What difference can be highlighted that rings truth to the mind?

I have always wanted my continuous essay homeworks to be a punchbag of emotions and conflicts. But more often than not, the essay becomes one of telling an event. A recount.

So, no... You haven't lost it. It's tucked neatly under a layer of doubts, so let's find that exclusively-yours magic. That's a challenge and it's for all of us.

Sudah Cuti

2009-08-05T16:59:00.001+10:00

My school has been granted 7 days of leave due to some positive H1N1 case. I get to go back but I feel bad.

Drop Dead Me

2009-08-03T13:17:00.003+10:00

This new series aired in Lifetime Channel, USA is currently being aired in Aussie too so I went on to google it and it got raving reviews. It's called "Drop Dead Diva" *ahem.. me* and I can't wait for it to reach our shores.

It's about a gorgeous bimbo-ish woman who falls dead but gets replaced into a new body, a size 16 woman who works as a lawyer. Hence, it's a stark contrast. Sort of reminds me of that Chris Rock movie, Down To Earth.

Or maybe I can watch online. The question is when? blaarggghhh...

Cubicle

2009-08-01T10:14:00.006+10:00

This is how my cubicle looks like almost all working days, an organised chaos which Hafiz Hazim once cleverly referred to as an aftermath of a horrendous typhoon. There are too many things to do, notice the hills of books waiting for me to peek in and later, have a severe headache over it (owwh, the constant perfectionist is annoying!)

Thus, I am in office at 7.30am on a beautiful Saturday morning, having Nesvita+Weetbix for breakfast while simultaneously correcting grammar and sentence structure in essays albeit my own concurrent mistakes in the same areas are still apparent.

I miss my other Saturday mornings back home, the ones either spent gobbling down The Mother's thosai or having a chai latte+wholegrain muffin at my favourite coffee spot, Marmalade over a good book and the newspaper.

Shit, I just realised that I just might be a workaholic.

"Funny" Lar You People

2009-07-30T17:01:00.002+10:00

So just now we snapped pictures for the school magazine. Since my KP isn't around, I went to replace her as the advisor for the English Language Society. There I was, being all nice and demure as I always am (not) when Nuro and Fai had some really "funny" joke.

Nuro: Ni, kalau ambil gambar Persatuan Bahasa Inggeris kena bukak semua lampu and pasang flash terang

Fai: Pastu lepas cuci gambar, check gambar boleh tengok atau tak..

(aksi ini dilakukan sambil sengih-sengih macam kerang busuk yang patut dibuang 4 hari lepas)

Hahahaha.. funny, guys! You know what else would be funny? If Miss Syikin's and Mr Leong's laptop suddenly goes missing and the Integrity Room mysteriously gets burnt down.

Berry James Waters

2009-07-30T10:11:00.005+10:00

Yesterday, I had an enlightening conversation with 4 Archimedes boys about music. They said a title of a song and I will name the artist. We discussed about what we are currently listening to and the boys suggested a few songs that I ought to listen and later share my opinion with them. I did so and I am glad they shared their knowledge.

Yet, when asked about my favourite genre, I scratched my head in wonder as I realised that the answer is too looooong. I like almost all genre with preference for non-mainstream sounds or plain revolutionary. So you can actually catch me listening to jazz, R&B, hip hop, rock and roll, rave, house music, folk (all walks), brit rock, reggae and new music on different hours of a day. I have little tolerance for metal, though.

For me, music knows no boundaries and I should not limit myself to just one sound. I frequent musical events for reasons as such, just to discover new sounds. And I also have that annoying habit of instantly hating indie artist going mainstream and being liked by all who just decided to join the bandwagon. Underdogs are my forte, man...

Anyway, just in case you're wondering what the title has got to do with the topic I'm writing about, I just watched Cadillac Records that is yet to be screened in Malaysia. It was a movie that helped me understand the dynamics of the race music that I have been reading all this while. The antagonist, Muddy Waters came across in my readings of The Rolling Stones who idolised this man like a God. In fact, Mick named the band after one of Muddy's song. The movie, which trailed on the true story of Chess Records which was THE record label for race music before Motown and Berry Gordy, features Adrien Broody, Mos Def (as the prolific Chuck Berry) and Beyonce.

I guess my education in music is going to go on for a long while where I will learn to appreciate different sounds and discovering the many faces of human.

Lonjakan Saujana

2009-07-30T09:20:00.003+10:00

Semalam saya pi beli New Malaysian Essays 2 tapi bukunya belum sampai di Kuantan ini. Biasalah tu, I'm not surprised pun. So, I almost went amuk and the parang was out. But then, saya ternampak sesuatu yang gamit jiwa dengan lebih menusuk..

Ceritalah 3: Malaysia A Dream Deferred by Karim Raslan! Kau tahu erti lompat gembira, lonjak2 sikit tanpa malu2 selepas amuk kerana buku yang dicari takdo.

Macam tu lar aku semalam. Aku sangat gembira lepas kecewa. Along with that, also bought Tales from the court and other stories by Matthew Scott. Uuuwwwhh... time for utter hibernation

A Gap

2009-07-29T17:26:00.001+10:00

I'm not good in this, I give myself too much sometimes. I need to create a gap in everything in my life. Enough with the doubting, I cannot bear to risk so many people.

Toodles, I wish I could go

Kita Bertanding Sapa Beli Dulu...

2009-07-29T00:15:00.004+10:00

Hang rasa sapa akan beli dulu? Aku rasa aku tak boleh tidoq malam ni memikirkan NME2 ada Shanon Shah punya hasil, The Khutbah Diaries dan juga satu tajuk yang konfem masuk mimpi aku malam ini iaitu Aku, Hang & Demo oleh Danny Lim. Esok, aku akan bakar Popular Megamall tu kalau depa takda buku ni. Mancis dah siap dah (ya, aku old school)

(i love the cover.. all my aunts and uncles on both sides of the family had such pictures circa 1970s. Malaysian, indeed)

OneMalaysia

2009-07-28T22:58:00.003+10:00

I have waited for a while before I had the mind for my 2 cents on the issue. Reason being is that the concept is such a fuzzy one and seems to stand as yet another policy by another prime minister who seeks to outdo the previous one. As time comes along, we sort of anticipate for the policy to be abandoned or left lurking in the lukewarm while another steams up the scene. It's a pattern long practiced in this beloved land, with the exception of Rukunegara or the rather debatably disastrous NEB (DEB).

So while I took the time to read my head off on the topic, I could not help myself but to identify some issues that might raise a few eyebrows. I have noticed that instead of being a platform for the government to assert their want of uniting people, it has challenged the belief of many of the top tier people in the country as well as your laymen around. They follow, yes.. But ask them a question about One Malaysia, you will have many contrasting opinions on the adequacy of the implementation.

For example, on the issue of vernacular schools. Some are proposing that the different vernacular schools being closed down as it hinders unity while others think that it would be rather unfair and ignite racial unrest. The matter is; it should be a choice made available and the education system can be effective in dealing with the issue. If the Malays get the opportunity of studying in full residential schools that were designed specifically for their success, why deny the other races of privileges that they need to strive for personally?

(I have asked a bunch of 16 year olds in a full residential school about this and the answers were sometimes disconcerting, with hints of righteousness and "hak saya, bukan mereka" perception.. I am sure glad I have brought the issue up to be discussed)

The key here is OneMalaysia needs to be developed with a strong foundation without relying too much on empty rhetorics. Yes, a few plans have been developed like the Yayasan OneMalaysia or the National Scholarship where merit is the way to go. But if some of the top ministers could not lay their fingers down right to the core of OneMalaysia, you would recognise that the policy is one of a populist nature that seeks to tap on the common interest of the younger generation.

At the very end, it seemed like a knock-off version of Malaysian Malaysia, just subtly built with preference for some.

My Wishlist

2009-07-28T16:32:00.007+10:00

Evening Is The Whole Day- Preeta Samarasan

Snow- Orhan Pamuk

The Japanese Wife- Kunal Basu

The Audacity of Hope

Ode to My Flower

2009-07-28T15:57:00.006+10:00

Where am I to find thee,
For thou lingered always in the background,
Sharing the perfume of thy wonderworks?
Why are thou vigilante eyes a dear distance,
Though it looked through many frames,
Sharing the scenes of thy wonderworld?

Even in thy deep slumber,
Thy name continues to bring the fragrance,
Of realisation and hope of oneness,
Even in the hiding eyes of the doubts,
Thy visions bring colours to yearn,
Of reciprocal dreams and wish of togetherness

I would lead my way down the road,
Of questions and qualms of myself,
Guided by thy potent reverie of hope,
To believe that everything is possible,
Blessed, is thy soul of a beaming light,
For never wilted are thy petals of dreams...

Obit: My Flower, Yasmin Ahmad (1958-2009)

You brought a meaning to my life, as I am sure to some other millions out there.

*My: Mine; Malaysia

priscilla ahn mp3 | priscilla ahn lyrics

free music downloads | funny games | priscilla ahn pictures

H1 What??!

2009-07-27T17:14:00.004+10:00

After all the scare has worn down, I think it would actually be nice to be quarantined like the other 8 people from my school. They went to the Hari Kebudayaan Jepun event in SBPI Gopeng and some of the participants had some symptoms similar to those with the Influenza A disease.

Since I just came back from Girls Worldwide National Public Speaking Competition in Bangsar, I remembered a conversation I had with a student from Sabah who said that she was on a plane with SMS Lahad Datu students. So, as usual, sources leaked in and I went to see my GPK 1. Okay, no need to go back. Fine.. I was relieved at that time.

After constant running from 7.30am until 3.30pm (Pentaksir Kawasan for ULBS came around, so there goes my only break between 11am-12pm), I thought that the one week break wouldn't be that bad anyway. As it also translates into going back home to KL, it will mean that I'll be quarantined with Dome Breakfast, continued with Devi's lunch and further with The Mother's awesome parpu curry for dinner. I would visit Acap at Guthrie for lunch and force Nabil to bring me up to Hartamas for my local special pizza..

aaawwhhh.. the plans of quarantine. Looks like I'm just gonna enjoy March 8: The Day Malaysia Woke Up by Kee Thuan Chye for the week and bury my head with work while I am at it. Hold up, I think I just sneezed.

empty space

2009-07-19T14:05:00.002+10:00

there is a hollowness in me,
when i miss you,
but i don't know if you do,
when i love you,
but you never say you do,
i clinch my heart tight,
stopping it from ballooning
from sorrow and emptiness,
its space characterised by
an eerie concave of nothingness,
but it seems to swell worst
as time propels onwards,
i fear there is no cure;
to an empty space of hollowness

Say Something...

2009-07-16T13:53:00.003+10:00

If you were my brother,
I would have slapped you,
If you were my sister,
I would have hugged you,
If you were smaller,
I would have pat your back,
If you were bigger,
I would have gave you a smack,
If you were younger,
I would have gave you sweets,
If you were older,
I would have fed you wheats,
If you were legal,
I would have dated you,
If you were any different,
I wonder if I would have spoken to you?

Name Me!

2009-07-14T23:57:00.002+10:00

I like these names (so you can't steal it)

Jessica Jasmine
Aidan Aqim
Melody
Faridah Hanum
Aqmal Afendi
Athena Amirah

berangan orang putih nama-nama ini... walaupun hidung pesek, nama tetap meletops okaaayyy???

FOC Awards 2009

2009-07-14T23:07:00.004+10:00

A great shout out to Shih-Li Kow for being shortlisted in the prestigious Frank O'Connor Short Story Award for the anthology Ripples and other short stories published by (why am I not surprised?) Silverfish Books.

Other shortlisted works are:

1) An Elegy for Easterly by Petina Gappah (Zimbabwe) published by Faber, London
2) Singularity by Charlotte Grimshaw (NZ) published by Vintage, New Zealand
3) The Pleasant Light of Day by Philip O Ceallaigh (Ireland) Published by Penguin Ireland.
4) Everything Ravaged, Everything Burned by Wells Tower (USA) Published by FSG New York and Granta UK
5) Love Begins in Winter by Simon Van Booy (USA) published by Harper Perennial New York (such a beautiful book, my personal favourite for the win)

I have read Ripples and other stories and Love Begins in Winter as I own a copy but I'm yet to read the other shortlisted works. FOC Awards has seen receivers such as Jhumpa Lahiri in 2008 for her excellent "Unaccustomed Earth" and Haruki Murakami in 2006 for the lyrical and highly appreciated "Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman"

So, we're in the league finally! Why do I feel like I'm contending? Blaargggh.. I sure wished I did :p

Kau Ingat Kau Bagus?

2009-07-14T15:10:00.002+10:00

*I just felt like bitching about this so bear with me*

I just came back from a rather tiring camp from the deep jungle of Hutan Lipur Jerangkang where I was supposedly the AJK for F&B. So there were many work and things to be done. Imagine food for 120 6 times a day... fuh, struggle

But surprise, surprise! I went there with a princess... A princess wannabe. Menyampah tengok muka toye kau yang rasa bagus pi hutan tapi tak nak tolong langsung apa-apa. Duduk je kat bangku, rasa bagus..

okay, so you don't wanna be a teacher but you still have the pay as a teacher. You wanna be a lecturer but you are obviously not good enough. Think if you are really good, why do you have to contract yourself to something so insecure in the government service?

You are no better than us... In fact, you're worst. Sekian, terima kasih.

Come 2012, Go ETeMS

2009-07-08T22:53:00.007+10:00

I am expectedly frustrated and perturbed by the recent announcement of the government to drop ETeMS. Honestly, it is rather unfair for a policy implemented in less than 10 years to be assessed and discarded as such. I wonder if the decision has been very much politically motivated as most students have been found to be more comfortable learning in English Language nowadays and I could see that my 10 year old sister's ability to think critically using the language is far superior than mine when I was her age.

In my humble opinion, it was a wise decision to execute the policy back in 2003 even though the government was severely criticised by the general public for taking such a rushed action into place. I am fully aware that we live in a democratic country but do we really have to follow EVERYTHING that the public demands despite the fact that they are not the ones directly involved in the teaching-learning process. Why should we just let everyone be confined within their comfort zone and don't challenge their ability to push their limits? How can we ever be successful in the acquisition of knowledge if we are so reluctant to get over one hurdle? Yes, maybe those in rural areas are at disadvantage but where else is the opportunity for teachers to use the language in various dimensions?

Let me just give you a very simple analogy. If your kid refuses to eat vegetables, what would you do? Just let him get what he wants or do you try to improve the taste/presentation of vegetables to attract his interest and attention towards such healthy food? The detrimental consequence of not eating vegetable is very much the motivation that should encourage parents to force
their kids to adhere to this simple rule. Okay, so he might be fine in his first few years yet in the long run, the nutrients will be undoubtedly essential to the well-being of the kid.

Similarly, the ETeMS policy's success should be easily seen in a few years to come when graduates as well as a breed of fresh Maths/Science teachers who have been mastering the scientific knowledge in English Language from early years joins the work force. We were in the midst of an imperative process and I believe that we were also in the right direction yet due to some voices saying that the darjat of Bahasa Melayu is ridiculed with such an emphasis on English Language hence reflecting that the government as un-Malay, we revert back to a time when we realised that there is a missing link between us and the rest of world players.

The bane of democracy is felt in times like this. Where is Mugabe when you need him?

Nak Pi Mana Ni?

2009-07-04T15:25:00.003+10:00

Just recently spoke with some of my girls. Found out that Durra is going to Indonesia and Aimi is going to NY this coming long holiday in November.

Gosh, I thought to myself that "I pun nak pi jalan-jalan after I'm finished with SPM marking. Nak pi mana ya?" Soon after, I was inspired then there's no stopping me once I get to it..

KOH SAMUI! It's a great place to party or simply to unwind with closest friends. You can just lounge at the beach in your swim attire (uwwhhh..gotta check out Zimmerman) and a large hat to protect your face (harus!).

(Yes, I wasn't planning to take a swim but instead to just walk around in this.. hahaha)

Flight ticket
Round trip 01-06 November 2009 (if booked now)
KL-Bangkok- RM166 (Air Asia)
Bangkok-Samui- THB 5740 (approximately RM537) (bangkok airways)

thus, Flight ticket: around RM700

Accomodation

Green Villa, Lamai Beach (AC Room)= RM140 per night
Green Villa, Lamai Beach (Fan+Pool View)= RM40 per night
Green Villa, Lamai Beach (Fan+ Garden View)= RM30 per night

Makan is quite cheap in Koh Samui but we ought to be careful as a lot of the cuisine is dashed with alcohol or mixed with Mr Porky.

The most anticipated party of Koh Samui, The Full Moon Party will happen on 2nd of November 2009. It will also be great to be able to be part of that.

Now, it goes down to finding suitable victims to accompany me. Wish me luck, people!

Climb Down

2009-07-04T00:30:00.002+10:00

I'm going to say something very controversial. People might end spilling red paint all over my door but I have to say it!

I HATE MILEY CYRUS' VOICE! SHE IS NOT A SINGER! I HATE THE CLIMB! THAT'S NOT SINGING, THAT IS CALLED NASAL CONGESTION!

Okay, all you teenagers out there. You may shoot me now...

What Does A Guy Do That Makes Me Smile?

2009-07-03T22:22:00.004+10:00

You know when you see random stuff and you smile? For example, when you see a really cute kid and your eyes just lights up upon the sight. Similarly, I feel a certain delight when I see a guy doing these things-

a) accompanying his mum on a shopping trip
b) wearing baju melayu to kenduris and weddings (seriously, very few do this nowadays)
c) playing with Rubic cubes
d) wears gorgeous glasses that frames his face well
e) reading a book (not a car gear magazine)
f) playing with children who are not his own kids
g) cleaning up/ tidying up his house
h) earnestly jogging without oggling the passing girls' properties
j) holding up the door for strangers
k) checking his tie in the lift reflection
l) when he smiles that stranger smile (which is something that Malaysians always misunderstand)

On that note, I'll just relate an opinion thrown about myself. Someone bluntly said that he thinks I wouldn't look twice at a large guy. That was his critical thinking skills being applied where he tries to make a generalisation based on my choice of partner before this. I was taken aback by such accusation. Yes, thin is good but it's not the only way to go. I am also a human being, who am I to crave or demand such perfection when only God is perfect?

Apparently, it's easy to make me smile :)

A Teacher..

2009-07-02T13:35:00.002+10:00

Should not bash up his/her students.
Should not lash out his/her anger or frustrations towards the students.
Should be the better one.
Is not judged based on his/her appearance.
Instead by his/her passion and love for he/she does.

I hope I will not be one that causes students to feel pain.
As my job is partially to entertain.
Honestly, I'd rather be a clown than a wrestler.

Freaking True

2009-06-30T00:58:00.004+10:00

I Miss Australia! Sydney, in particular. Last year, it wasn't this bad but now, the feeling of wanting to leap free and just be crazy is getting wilder.

Remember our late nights laughing at our crazy Indian neighbours? When I went out at 2am in only my kaftan to scold them yang memekak watching World Cup Cricket?

Remember the borderline suicidal coffee addiction? We would crank up mugs and mugs of coffee every day plus frequenting Marxine and Gloria Jeans?

Remember just chilling at Sydney Harbour? The bus rides on the bridge that we ultimately got the "whatever" feeling after a while?

Remember the constant careful with food concern? The compass we brought everywhere? The craziest spots we've prayed at?

Remember Hang Tuah? Dan O'Brien? Ilija? Verna (heh!)? Pamela? Darcy? Jean? Sue? Rod?

Remember all the walks in the parks we've enjoyed? All the dogs that chased us along the way? All the people who glared because we were different?

I do remember and it's all good looking back into it now. Let's balik, guys.

I Just Knew That...

2009-06-30T00:46:00.004+10:00

* I am a walrus*
* All of the nutrients of the food I eat goes to my hair hence why I am still thin despite the amount of food I consume*
* I am short*
* I sometimes look like Freida Pinto, especially when my eyes get bigger*
* I look my best in high heels*
* I can find a surrogate mother*
* I should not buy a Satria Neo*
* I can be myself and still be comfortable*

Thank You for Letting Me Know and Be All These :)

For S.A.F: A Note On Friendship

2009-06-30T00:34:00.001+10:00

It sailed,
For distance that we could never have foreseen,
On the seven seas of glory and misfortune,
Where the tide rocks our world constantly,
Prodding us into a whirlwind of love,
Making us oblivious to the world,
The land of unwhispered dreams,
That we only dared to keep away,
Tightly sealed in the pocket of shame…

It sailed,
For seasons that we could have never framed,
In million eons of grandeur and austerity,
Where the clocks refuse to tick anymore,
Wheeling us into a cyclone of trust,
Making us naïve to the world,
The realm of craved visions,
That we adhered to in sleepless days,
Fulfilling the imaginary wishes…

It sailed,
And it will never stop sailing,
As we have stayed here now,
Even if we moved in different ways,
The wind and seas will conspire to lead us,
Into each other’s way over and over again,
For it sailed and sailed…

And Grammar Shall Prevail.

Bloody Vows

2009-06-11T14:38:00.003+10:00

*Update Blog Everyday* (X)
*Finish Marking ALL Papers* (X)
*Finish Reading Glass Palace by Amitav Ghosh* (X)
*Buy the complete Pandu Puteri get up* (X)
*Spend or make time for everybody equally* (X)
*Buy more hijabs* (/)

I made a few vows for this school holiday (Refer to List Above). Only one tick out of 6? Loser...

Why is it so damn hard to stick to them? Everyone demands certain type of attention. It is quite arduous to ensure I get to live up to certain expectations.

Arrggh.. stop bitching already. I need to get ready to meet up with my fans in another 30 minutes (i'm in the land of Hannah Montana kot). Ciao~

I'm listening to...

2009-06-09T14:53:00.001+10:00

Zee Avi's Bitter Heart

Najwa Mahiaddin's Got To Go

Thank God for these!

Addiction

2009-06-09T14:40:00.002+10:00

addiction (n) devotion: great interest in something to which a lot of time is devoted
Microsoft® Encarta® Reference Library 2003. © 1993-2002 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.

I crave for the sweet scent that vests your skin,
Of that languid eyes where you shine in dreams,
The little bubbles of joy people enjoy in scenes,
Where your hopes guides me in my deep sleep,
Free of all expectations and sense of beings..

I yearn for the after mornings of smiles abound,
Of the natural shrouds of vanilla happiness,
The inexplicable escape of the caged feelings,
Where your thoughts releases me from my worries,
Emancipated from all doubts and sorries...

And you ask me why I'm addicted to you?
When the answer is evident only in you.

36th HKSBP 2009

2009-06-03T00:08:00.003+10:00

INTEK just participated in the English Debate and Bahas Bahasa Melayu Hari Kecemerlangan Sekolah Berasrama Penuh (HKSBP) held in the scorching hot SSP of Cyberjaya. We managed to win two motions but lost to Sekolah Sultan Alam Shah who represented Group I into Round 2. It was a great and once in a lifetime experience as next year onwards, HKSBP will be done in zones instead of nationals.

Whatmore, this year onwards HKSBP has adopted the UIAM style of debating where the motion and position will only be given an hour before the debate commences. So, INTEK will have to work extra hard to qualify and we're gonna start now. No point waiting until the 11th hour to create wonders if we can do it now. INTEK will be aiming to create a strong generation of future debaters with the help of our current debaters. Insya Allah, we can give a tough fight and establish ourselves as the better ones.

On a slightly different note, out of all the schools I've watched debating, my personal preference would be Sekolah Menengah Sains Seremban (SASER) boys. I watched them as the government debating against Sekolah Menengah Sains Muar (SAMURA) and they nailed the motion to their side quite amazingly (considering the motion was "Celebrities Make Good Politicians"). The second and third speaker (Muhammad Afiq and Megat Ridzwan, respectively) were especially good. For me, an efficient and good debater can be differentiated from the mediocre by the way they address the POIs. Unfortunately, they lost against SSP in the semi-finals. Daaaaarrrrnnnn....

So, until HKSBP Zon Timur 2010... Au revoir...

Ship To The Moon

2009-06-02T23:55:00.004+10:00

He had the opportunity to do something big.
Something like building the ship that could sail to the moon.
But he stirred away from the dream and wish.
Because someone told him that it was foolish.
He always listened to everyone else.
Everyone else except himself.

Caring Too Much

2009-05-31T01:32:00.003+10:00

A very wise person said that teachers experience burn outs during the first three years because they do not have enough time spaced out for themselves. That we are supposed to find our own self in the process.

I'm not entirely sure why but these few days have taken a toll on my physical, mental and emotional state of being. Burn Out and Hatred of Job!

I feel that I've failed sometimes, I feel that it is extremely hard to accept new opinions, I feel that I'm not really needed sometimes, I feel that I am placing too much pressure on them, I feel that I have not taught them enough and yes, I do feel under appreciated at times.

We, as teachers, are not supposed to crave for appreciation. True indeed and that is something I'm trying to deal with. Previously, I get acknowledged for my effort but now, it is sort of expected when in fact, we feel that we have given or are giving more than required.

Maybe what I need to do is sleep at 9pm like most teachers here. Lantaklah kau boleh bercakap or not, yang penting AKU cukup tidur.

When You Have A Bad Day

2009-05-15T00:56:00.002+10:00

I had quite a bad day today... I couldn't speak to my colleagues, tried calling a few close friends but none was reachable. I felt quite disappointed and devastated, up to a point that I wished I could ditch everything.

Then, I had a chat with two boys. Quite close ones. We talked crap but I felt much, much better during and after that half an hour. I remembered my late night sessions at La Zeez with Nabil and Acap, sipping on pseudo-mochas. How we did the same thing but we could talk about anything for hours. I walked away from the scene with a smile and it lasted until late night. Yes, they probably didn't do much but somehow, it meant a great deal to me.

Apparently, I don't need to go far for comfort. I don't even need to ask for it. My source of energy can be found anywhere if I look closely. Sometimes, in the least expected places.

*a wave to Mr Analyst-Consultant, good luck for tomorrow. Hope you nail the job*

What Is Wrong With Me?

2009-05-10T18:21:00.006+10:00

I am the kind of person who usually get what I want and I am so used to being pursued. I hate being terhegeh-hegeh. I hate chasing, I hate joining the run when I don't know about the end. I hate uncertainties.

But they say there comes a time in your life, when you suddenly change. Now, I feel like I'm in a pursuit of such and I kinda dread listening to my own thoughts sometimes. It's not exactly the most blissful thing in the world, to wait in vain. I don't really like the change and I'm afraid that I'll be bored of it. I sometimes cringe at my own actions, like.. enough already.

I need my girls in a conference now.. C'mon.

1 2 3 4 - Plain White Ts

Of Names

2009-05-10T17:41:00.005+10:00

Those who are close to me know that I have a pet name among family members, Yen which actually is a shortened version of my original pet name (that will not be disclosed due to safety reason). It used to baffle people so much as it is seemingly an uncommon name. But heck.. What's in a name?

Much, I must say. For example, I feel weird of someone calls me Shirin. It might take me a few minutes to register that it is directed to or meant for me. Well, only Puan Roffini who taught me Maths in Form 3 calls me Shirin, reason being "Shirin" suits me better than "Ana" (yeah, gets to me too!). I still love Puan Roffini though because I thought she put in an effort to analyse what suits me.

So, in turn I remember Puan Roffini until now and often wonder what happened to her. In contrast to her, I used to hate teachers who can't remember students' names because I think it showed that they don't care much. NOW, I know how hard it is actually. Students now usually have 2 or 3 first names and I always ask them what should I call them. Usually, it's the second name that they are familiar with.

But imagine, in my Form 1 Astronomi class, we have 4 Hanifs. To make my job easier, we gave the 4 Hanifs nicknames which are Mr H, Abe, Anip and Iwan. In 4 Ibnu Sina, there's another Hanif who is close friends to Husni and you might have guessed by now that I always switch their names around. They are borderline redha by now..

But it's not just me who is having this problem. If possible, I want my students to address me as Miss Ana and these kids are finding it quite hard to change from Teacher Ana. People, it's wrong to call me Teacher Ana. We don't call an engineer as Engineer Leman or an accountant as Accountant Hamid. We call them Miss, Mr or Mrs. Why the sudden weird exception for teachers?

Another Malaysian culture that is die hard is the "Sir" attached to names. Addressing someone as "sir" per se is fine in a school context as it is widely used in UK and some parts of USA but we don't call someone as "Sir Khalid" unless the Queen bestowed the title upon them. It's a privilege given to a chosen few, not 3000 guys around Malaysia. Us, teachers should be more cautious about that.

So save me the pain and headache, call me Miss Ana. Not "teacher" because like how you want me to remember your name, I'd like it for you to do so too.

*okay.. trivia time.. who can tell what was the original name that my mum wanted to give me? I'd give you chocolates.. tempting, right?*

The Pressure Is On

2009-05-05T18:33:00.008+10:00

100 days have passed since Barack Obama has been inaugurated as the President of USA and his performance, undoubtedly, has been scrutinised by all. It is a huge responsibility for the man as he has been eagerly embraced as an agent of change all around the world.

As far as I've read and am currently aware of, Obama has introduced quite well crafted policies focusing on a more human-centred health care programme that doesn't leave people as sickos, establishing security without inciting fear through the abolishment of Guatanamo Bay and inhumane interrogation strategies, a slowed down yet proactive economy system and a strong emphasis on green, new energy. These policies are developed and drafted by a think tank of carefully selected personnel who are either Democrats or Republicans traveled widely or spent their childhood outside America. It makes the government a United Nations in its own right, understanding and emphatising with people or issues they are dealing with.

Heck, the man even appeared on Jay Leno Show! Kau rasalah Dato Seri Najib Tun Razak nak tak masuk that AC Di Sini show? I think I can cut my.. errr.. my students' fingers if he did (Okay, siapa nak selamatkan maruah Miss Ana kalau terjadi?) He also quite rightfully paid a visit to Hugo Chavez, approached cheering crowds and avid fans (read: Sarkozy) all over Central Europe although he is yet to strike a note in Asia (exception to the rally down to Iraq and Afghanistan). However, do note that Hillary Clinton as the Secretary of State flew down to China and then Indonesia during her first trip, thus acknowledging the current government's awareness of what or who is important. China as its position as the next economy powerhouse and Indonesia as the house of largest number of Muslims (250 million and counting...)

Though I have this curious feeling that his election period was more engaging and promising than his current administrating stint. I wish that the Palestine-Isreal issue will be dealt with the same depth as the Afghans, that education policies can be clarified on whether teachers are rewarded based on merit or tenancy and more importantly, a serious look into the "No Child Left Behind" policy that has, as a matter of fact, caused a 30% hike on the number of dropouts since Bush 43's administration. Also a serious talk with Ahmedinejad. Yes, N.E.E.D it. Who am I to tell Obama what to do but I sure wish I could. That is a small hope but I'm sure that feeling is shared by a myriad of people who wants change to be a strong part of their life.

Obama has 1000 days more to go, so we are only at his first 100 metres of 1000 metres race. Only when he has completed the whole yard we can tell whether the man comes out as winner or loser. As with long distance race, we start slow and speed up towards the end. The race is still going on...

My Little 3 Days

2009-05-05T11:33:00.003+10:00

I haven't had the opportunity to go back to KL and laze for more than 4 days. Even so, whenever I do go back, my days start as early as 8am and ends at 3am. Even worst than my working days, sometimes...

So during the long weekend recently, I have learnt to drive which is a pretty big deal to me (Aha! Aha!) And guess what? I love driving! I don't know what I was so afraid of. It's like a breeze through the air and I learnt to drive Nabil's manual Wira. It was a great one hour for me (I don't know about Nabil though, maybe he was crossing his fingers that I won't bump into a divider). Still have to work out on manouvering though, quite hopeless with it. Tried driving our auto Gen-2, it's definitely easier but I feel I get a kick out of manual cars (waaah, statement gitu!)

I also managed to go to 2 weddings including Acap's sister's. Kak Fakizah was soooo pretty that I envy her grace on that day. The parents looked elated too although I know they are extremely fatigued. Acap had to leave before the event ended as he had to rush to the airport because he had a test the next day. So we only had one and half hour to catch up and chill. So, that we did! We just sat at the Big Apple outlet in SAAS Airport and laughed our hearts out, basically talking about nothing over a dozen of donuts all sliced up into three parts as well as a cup of hot peppermint tea (obviously!). I say that is bliss, bois.

The Mother was quite busy during the weekend, a woman of her calibre is usually as such. I think she needs a PDA to organise her schedule. Yet still, she managed to find time to spring clean the house which ultimately resulted in the house being in temporary wreck. She was complaining that life was so much easier when I was around (yeah, mummy.. rub it in.. it doesn't sting). Now she feels like she has to do everything on her own. I wished my siblings were more understanding and could help out. Sometimes, I wish I could smack some sense into their heads. The middle child is always the best.. (What? No connection.. Still, I want to say it!)

Also met the darling Aimi after two months. Seeing her only made me miss my other girls moooooore. Durra was supposed to join us but some amuking hindered her from doing so. I shopped in Bangsar but didn't really find something I liked. Takpa, when we meet in June, we are going the paint the town red, yellow, green and blue. Got a hold on Joe Flizzow's President which was very hard to find either in Kuantan or KL. Hung out at Devi's, got free bubur kacang (maybe because regular customer yang dah lama tak nampak, kasih sayang melimpah ruah gitu) and then, head down to Chawan to have the unbelievably awesome nasi lemak bungkus.

I also did another thing I haven't done in quite some time, it was good to just let loose and be lost in it. I felt euphoric for that brief period (pardon the sudden indirectness, get the hint if you can... lalala). However, I didn't manage to catch up with MFG as we were both quite occupied and our schedule just clashed all the way. Owh well, next time perhaps.. June is drawing near... Can't wait to be back :)

air asam

2009-04-21T13:16:00.005+10:00

Teacher: Kak, saya nak air asam satu!
Canteen vendor: Air asam apa?
Suatu suara sumbang: Air asam pedas kot

I dare you! I dare you to drink it now... You can choose your favourite glass

Maybe He IS Into You.

2009-04-20T16:33:00.005+10:00

He’s Just Not That Into You?

Another addition to the book-turned-movie trend is the adaptation of the chic-lit “He’s Just Not That Into You” which I think would result in a box office as it perfectly casts the Queen of Owh-Dear-Imagine-The-Rejection-She-Has-To-Handle, Jennifer Aniston. Yeah, being dumped for Angelina Jolie does make good sense but if you’re bestowed with an abundance of hawtness elements yourself, it would be hard to swallow the fact that you can get dumped at all. I used to say to myself, three good looking people in a relationship is just too crowded (no matter what Vicky Cristina Barcelona is trying to tell me)

I don’t remember ever reading the book (yup, I’m pretty confident because I think I would have gagged myself to death going through even half of it) but I know about the most crucial knowledge that slipped itself into the knowing through this book. The getting rejected through 5 different technologies. That translated would be that he doesn’t reply your text messages, your facebook message, your IMs, your phone calls and your e-mails. Okay, missing one, two or three even might mean that the guy is terribly absent minded but ALL five? You gotta kidding me, huh?

But think about it, girls (pardon the directive pronoun). What if you get messages through 5 different ways to remind you that “hey, I like you… why don’t you keep in touch with me?” Wouldn’t you be in the slightest way, urrmm… afraid? Of course I would. Yeah, so I’m not a commitment phobic (heh!) but even I felt a tingle of discomfort. Don’t you think we’re being a bit unfair towards our opposite sex then?

Well, maybe it’s not his fault that he’s not just that into us. Have you ever reflected on yourself and thought how scary you can be? How crazy you sound with 5 different ways of reminding him of your existence?

I say, lay low ladies (errmm.. yes, only in one sense of the word, please)... Give your man a break. Maybe he is into you but you turned it otherwise with all those over-analysing syndrome that only we, women possess. Like what one of my girls used to say, Men are very simple creature, don't make them complicated for our sake :)

Choose Love

2009-03-30T02:08:00.002+11:00

Is it possible to have the same feelings for all students? To treat them all equally? I have been warned not to fall into the trap many, many times before by my lecturers who have noted this occurence especially among new teachers..

Easily identified as teacher's pets, students in this category is loved by certain teachers for their personality and attitude. For me, I find it very hard not to prefer students who thinks like me or share the same interest with me. I mean, come on, even mums have favourites among their kids. What more, me? The one who can choose between the hundreds here. Though, I tried not to make it too obvious.

Evidently, there are a few students whom I keep on mentioning in my daily conversation with The Mother. The Mother then warned me that I should make sure that no one else feels that I have this preference.

My students, I love you all although I do love some of you a teeny weeny bit more... Maybe it's your difference or your similarities with me but it's you being you that makes this bond special. There is no need to change yourself or be something else, your natural self is comfort to all of us.

(what's with the freaking philosophical ending? Myssteryyyyyy guy, you should know I'm actually typing this real late at night.. hahaha)

Get It?

2009-03-26T10:55:00.002+11:00

I have always listened to people saying that when you don't want or need something, that is when it all comes.

With the choices I have in hand, I only want that particular one. I need to re-assure myself again but until now, there's no harm in waiting. Tapi kalau lama-lama, let's turn a new page :)

What?!?

2009-02-10T16:29:00.004+11:00

A list of shocking, unnerving and funny things that I've come across this few days

GPK 1 said this in the assembly
En A: Kalau main sepak takraw tu, elok-elok... bagi lipat. Jangan asyik lipat net pulak

A student passing by in front of koperasi and peeking into the room. Thinking that he might need something, I asked him this:
Me: What are you looking for?
Student: I'm looking forward, teacher (sambil jalan menuju ke hadapan membiarkan daku terpinga-pinga)

A student complaining that he is hungry
Me: Why don't you go and buy something?
Student: My money tertinggal..... (long pause) in the bank, teacher.

A student who is in my debate team came straight to me with a cheeky smile
Student: Is it hot in here or is it just you?

Guano! It will be hard to stay stoic and keep a straight face with these kinds of joke...

I Wonder...

2009-02-10T11:56:00.002+11:00

I have been slumped with endless job since I've started working and the main reason behind all these extra work has been because "You are unmarried thus you don't have commitment yet". Just so you know, my plans to raid KL this weekend which I have been anticipating since last week has to be cancelled due to notice given yesterday that I have to handle a motivation camp for students. Jumaat nak buat, Isnin baru bitau... Yeah, I'm single so I surely have no plans or a life!

How ridiculous, no? I thought single people have more commitment and thus should be given more time to explore things (if you know what I mean). We only have a few years left before we are also chained down to the commitment they all speak of with fear now. If we don't socialise now, when should we? When we have 3 kids running around our tables every night?

I think this is an unfair treatment! I strongly feel that single people should have extra holidays! I will advocate this to NUTP!

Okay, I will mellow down now. I will just go and do what they ask me to do, including sleeping in tents even though I used to ask my mum to write exemption letters for me whenever I had to attend any seriously increduluous motivation camps while I was in school. You think my mum can still do that for me now?

Aisey, He's Dead Already!

2009-02-04T15:43:00.003+11:00

"May I a small house and large garden have,
And a few friends, and many Books, both true,
Both wise, and Both delightful too."

Abraham Cowley, 1618-1667 (English Poet)

Hold up, this man is supposed to be dead now? Gosh, I lost my soul mate already!

Coincidentally, we share the same dreamslah, Mr Cowley. Cowley was an intellect, royal spy and renowned doctor of his time. I am probably partially all that plus a bit more (apa gelak-gelak? true what??! oklah, i pun join gelak juga.. hahahaha). Yet, the both of us don't look to get a lot of things in our life, just what makes us happy enough. For me, I only seek a comfortable life with my family and keep the small number of friends I have retained in my life for more than 10 years now. And also to read as many books as I can. Both wise, both delightful..

And he's has been dead for about 300 years now. So apparently all the good guys are either taken, gay or dead... Better keep all the good men you have securely.

Of Many Sleepless Nights

2009-02-04T13:03:00.004+11:00

Guilty as charged, I haven't been updating my blog. Namely because I haven't been well for quite some time, both physically and mentally. But as with the purpose of a blog, I should keep it running or else, just shut it down (which was what I have been considering for a while).

Just so it's out and clear, I have been teaching in a integration boarding school in Kuantan for almost a month now. You shouldn't have any trouble trying to figure out which one it is because there's only one SBPI here. The school has a fairly new concept as I've found it tricky to pin it down in the beginning too. The school as the GPK1 has emphasised is "bukan sekolah agama tapi sungguh macam sekolah agama". So you get the idea of how it's run. The school has great, dedicated teachers and staff plus a myriad of bright students. This is in total contrast with the school I've been to during my practicum stint. To adapt, I act in a different manner, behave very differently and dress up differently which leads me to ask myself in the mirror, "who the heck are you?"

But I should still be thankful, no? Well, I tell myself every morning that I should be. But with every occurrence happening in my life that I have no control over, I feel helpless and invariably experience a major want to just ditch things. Not leaving my students, mind you but to be able to be with my loved ones when they need me or when I need them. True to form, some of them might not need me in the sense of the word but I would love to be able to see them when they relate their pain, joy or sorrow.

It has lead to many sleepless nights where I just lock myself in my room and complete my work or read to get my mind off things. Luckily, my students is the thing that keeps me going here. They're really into learning and seem to cherish their English Language lessons. A boy from my Form 4 class had this short conversation with me at the last minutes of my class with them.

Hafiz: Teacher, next teacher takda.. you can continue teaching.
Ana: But I have a class now in 1 Astronomi
Hafiz: Ala, teacher... but we'll miss you laaar.

And that in itself is a steady motivation for me. I hope that I will get better with time and circumstances. Wish me more of well slept nights, people.

Moto Melman!

2008-12-05T22:37:00.008+11:00

“I'm a giraffe. I even walk like a giraffe with a long neck and legs. It's a pretty dumb animal, mind you.” Sophia Loren.

My favourite character in Madagascar which I have watched for at least 15 times and still find it to be insanely hilarious has always been Melman, the pathetic hypochondriac giraffe with incredibly exaggerated limbs. The main reason for me liking this character is that David Schwimmer did the voice over and really gave it a soul. FYI, David Schwimmer's character in Friends (Ross) is also my personal favourite. It is beyond me that out of dozens of friends and families whom I have asked, only Amin and I fancied Ross. The others are equally divided between Chandler, Joey, Rachel and Phoebe while NONE liked Monica. Well, I just love the fact that Ross is scholarly, loving, goofy and by my standards, good looking. Hurrmmm.. maybe I have a thing for nerdy underdogs...

As for Schwimmer in Melman's skin, I think it is truly spot-on. I mean, Chris Rock and Ben Stiller are good too but it seems that they're just saying the words like they'd usually do in normal life. Melman on the other hand has his own character that is totally apart from Schwimmer, with his hesitant nature and funny mannerism. I remember the scene in Central Park where Alex and Gloria were arguing about the train while Melman was the in background trying to lick off the sanitizer he found in the toilet. I laugh my heart out each time I see that scene, hell, even remembering it is funny enough.

So being the devoted fan, a warm and fuzzy feeling was delivered to my heart upon seeing Melman truly finding what he really loves in "Madagascar 2: Escape from Africa". He finally got to be a doctor and got the love of his life, Miss Bootylicious Gloria (oppss.... I hope I didn't ruin the story for those who haven't watched it :p). Although the central plot was about Alakay/Alex, I was more interested with the love triangle between Gloria, Alex and Moto Moto ("The name's so nice, you gotta say it twice"). It goes to show that apparent losers are actually winners and pathetics can be heroes.

Although Madagascar 2 did not meet my expectations, I must give credits for the development of Melman's character. While Alex and Marty were still dabbling with their friendship issues, Melman truly grew up. I'll continue loving Melman like I love Ross, contrary to the masses. You Go, Melman!

kalau berlaku...

2008-12-03T20:28:00.003+11:00

The unofficial word out is about 2000 teachers will be sent to Sabah, Land Below The Wind. This figure will include B.Ed TESL students. About 15 000 graduates are produced this year, so Nisya calculated that about 33 students from Cohort 2 would be sent over the shores to share their expertise. Though, I'm not sure how she calculated it lah.

If I'm sent over, I have a feeling that it would be a mental torture in the beginning as I'm sure I'll be extremely homesick. While we're on this topic, I nearly had a fever and was completely off mood last week as I haven't seen The Family (especially The Mother) in ten days. So if my emotional capacity is as such, I wouldn't be surprised to discover my worst sides over there.

On the other hand, I ought to be positive because I know God has planned everything for all his subjects. I must learn to be humble and able to adapt to the new surroundings. I must be able to overcome and forget unwanted memory to create a new life elsewhere. I heard people say that it is real fun over there though I have to scratch my head to look after replacements for my Actor's Studio, Alexis, Marmalade, MPH and Devi's Corner in the middle of Telumpik.

If that happens, I won't be surprised if I become Air Asia's number One passenger! Tony Fernandez would owe me one.

Lain Cerita
I finally got my KLG Sqwad's Labour of Love tee, thanks to LynnZ and Shah Hans who attended a musical event in SoHo KL last weekend. Looks like I can wear it for Hari Raya Qurban instead, although The Mother has not-so-jokingly said that those people in t-shirts are assigned to slaughter the cows and goats in the morning.. yikes!

When I wore it to the Cohort II BBQ, I got casual remarks from friends who have noticed my want for the tee through my blog. Some others were wondering what the heck is "KLG SQD". So, I voluntarily explained and gave out weblinks to their site. I think they're great so it wasn't hard getting people to listen to them. Anyhuuuuu, I love the quality and the size of the t-shirt. At least the XS is a real XS compared to some other clumsy tees I've got with serious problems of "what makes an XS".

from left: Sayda, Nina and Ana during Cohort II BBQ

Close To Heart

2008-11-30T21:37:00.006+11:00

Today, I attended Qhaiyum's wedding and had the opportunity to meet up with old school friends. They all still looked the same and we all still could share a conversation despite the many years we have not been keeping in touch with each other. Some of these people have been extremely close to me even until today but there are some I haven't met in 6 years!

Even so, it is amazing to see that most of us still talk or act the way we did those twilight years ago. We joked about the same teachers (yikes, to think that I'd be joked upon in some years to come!)and talked about our past memories, current endeavors and future undertakings with delight. As if we never drifted apart...There has been calls for a re-union soon and I am seriously looking into it as the bunch has always found it easier to let me organise this kind of stuff.

I feel young and rejuvenated after meeting my old friends. This weekend has been an extremely wonderful one where I get to see people who make me happy :) No more homesick and no more doubts about feelings :)

To Qhaiyum and Fazlina, Selamat Pengantin Baru... May Allah s.w.t bless your union with endless love and prosperity :)

*ada orang berkata bahawa dalam gambar ini, daku tampak macam seorang Datin (isteri nombor 4) yang pergi mana-mana tidak diiringi suami yang sibuk ... hurrmmm.. ada aku kesah? :p*

Kasi Ingat Ini

2008-11-30T20:59:00.003+11:00

I was caught off guard by Nina the other day who said "I'm sure you can answer this question" and when she asked who is the current Higher Education Minister, I could not provide an answer. Thank God Nisya saved the day by providing an answer. Shows how shallow I have become in recent days... As a reminder for me and all, here's an updated list of the Malaysian Cabinet.

Perdana Menteri : Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi

Timbalan Perdana Menteri: Datuk Seri Najib Razak

JABATAN PERDANA MENTERI
Menteri : Tan Sri Bernard Dompok
Menteri : Datuk Seri Mohamed Nazri Abdul Aziz
Menteri : Datuk Ahmad Zahid Hamidi
Menteri : Datuk Zaid Ibrahim (senator)-(meletak jawatan-kekosongan)
Menteri : Datuk Amirsham A Aziz (senator)
Timbalan : Datuk Johari Baharum
Timbalan : Datuk Dr Mashitah Ibrahim (senator)
Timbalan : S K Devamany
Timbalan : Datuk Hasan Malek

KEMENTERIAN DALAM NEGERI
Menteri : Datuk Seri Syed Hamid Albar
Timbalan : Datuk Chor Chee Heung
Timbalan : Datuk Wan Ahmad Farid Wan Salleh (senator)

KEMENTERIAN KEWANGAN
Menteri : Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak
Menteri II : Tan Sri Nor Mohamed Yakcop
Timbalan : Datuk Ahmad Husni Mohamad Hanadzlah
Timbalan : Datuk Kong Cho Ha

KEMENTERIAN PENGANGKUTAN
Menteri : Datuk Ong Tee Keat
Timbalan : Datuk Anifah Aman

KEMENTERIAN KERJA RAYA
Menteri : Datuk Ir. Mohd Zin Mohamed
Timbalan : Datuk Yong Khoon Seng

KEMENTERIAN PERUSAHAAN PERLADANGAN DAN KOMODITI
Menteri : Datuk Peter Chin Fah Kui
Timbalan : A Kohilan Pillay (senator)

KEMENTERIAN TENAGA, AIR DAN KOMUNIKASI
Menteri : Datuk Shaziman Abu Mansor
Timbalan : Datuk Joseph Salang Gandum

KEMENTERIAN PERDAGANGAN ANTARABANGSA DAN INDUSTRI
Menteri : Tan Sri Muhyiddin Yassin
Timbalan : Datuk Liew Vui Keong
Timbalan : Datuk Jacob Dungau Sagan

KEMENTERIAN PERTANIAN DAN INDUSTRI ASAS TANI
Menteri : Datuk Mustapa Mohamed
Timbalan : Datuk Rohani Abdul Karim

KEMENTERIAN PERDAGANGAN DALAM NEGERI DAN HAL EHWAL PENGGUNA
Menteri : Datuk Shahrir Abdul Samad
Timbalan : Jelaing anak Mersat

KEMENTERIAN PELAJARAN
Menteri : Datuk Hishammuddin Hussein
Timbalan : Datuk Dr Wee Ka Siong
Timbalan : Datuk Razali Ismail-(meninggal dunia-kekosongan)

KEMENTERIAN PENERANGAN
Menteri : Datuk Ahmad Shabery Cheek
Timbalan : Datuk Tan Lian Hoe

KEMENTERIAN PERPADUAN, KEBUDAYAAN, KESENIAN DAN WARISAN
Menteri : Datuk Mohd Shafie Apdal
Timbalan : Teng Boon Soon

KEMENTERIAN SUMBER MANUSIA
Menteri : Datuk Dr S Subramaniam
Timbalan : Datuk Noraini Ahmad

KEMENTERIAN SAINS TEKNOLOGI DAN INOVASI
Menteri : Datuk Dr Maximus Ongkili
Timbalan : Fadillah Yusof

KEMENTERIAN PERUMAHAN DAN KERAJAAN TEMPATAN
Menteri : Datuk Ong Ka Chuan
Timbalan : Datuk Robert Lau Hoi Chew
Timbalan : Datuk Hamzah Zainudin

KEMENTERIAN PERTAHANAN
Menteri : Datuk Seri Abdullah Ahmad Badawi
Timbalan : Datuk Wira Abu Seman Yusop

KEMENTERIAN KEMAJUAN LUAR BANDAR DAN WILAYAH
Menteri : Tan Sri Muhammad Muhd Taib
Timbalan : Tan Sri Joseph Kurup
Timbalan : Joseph Entulu Belaun

KEMENTERIAN LUAR NEGERI
Menteri : Datuk Seri Dr Rais Yatim
Timbalan : Datuk Seri Tengku Azlan Abu Bakar

KEMENTERIAN BELIA DAN SUKAN
Menteri : Datuk Ismail Sabri Yaakob
Timbalan : Wee Jeck Seng

KEMENTERIAN KESIHATAN
Menteri : Datuk Liow Tiong Lai
Timbalan : Datuk Dr. Abdul Latiff Ahmad

KEMENTERIAN PEMBANGUNAN USAHAWAN DAN KOPERASI
Menteri : Datuk Noh Omar
Timbalan : Datuk Saifuddin Abdullah

KEMENTERIAN PEMBANGUNAN WANITA,KELUARGA DAN
MASYARAKAT
Menteri : Datuk Dr Ng Yen Yen
Timbalan : Noriah Kasnon

KEMENTERIAN PELANCONGAN
Menteri : Datuk Seri Azalina Othman Said
Timbalan Menteri : Datuk Seri Sulaiman Abdul Rahman Abdul Taib

KEMENTERIAN WILAYAH PERSEKUTUAN
Menteri : Datuk Zulhasnan Rafique
Timbalan Menteri : Datuk M Saravanan

KEMENTERIAN PENGAJIAN TINGGI
Menteri : Datuk Seri Khaled Nordin
Timbalan Menteri : Datuk Dr Hou Kok Chung
Timbalan Menteri : Datuk Idris Haron

KEMENTERIAN SUMBER ASLI DAN ALAM SEKITAR
Menteri : Datuk Douglas Uggah Embas
Timbalan Menteri : Datuk Seri Abdul Ghapur Salleh

Bernama

Sisters Of My Heart

2008-11-26T10:19:00.003+11:00

from left: Syajaratuddurrah Mohd Khairuddi, Nur Amanina Abdul Samad, Aimi Mahfuzah Mohd Kamaludeen, Ana Shirin Razi Rabi, Ungku Khairunnisa Ungku Mohd Nordin.
(a recent picture taken on 24 November, so this is how we all look now =p )

Thank You for always being there for me and teaching me that we can be sisters, with all our crazy stories, incessant laughters, flowing tears, occasional sulking, stuff sharing, group hugging, bitter arguments, colourful redemptions, split personalities, arm pinchings, hip pokings, fashion advisings, coffee drinkings, food wolfings, sleepy mornings, fun evenings etc etc etc....

This is a bond for life fulfilled with years of experiences shared together and yet to be recognised with coming years of experiences to be filled. Through laughter and tears, we've seen it all. This is a testament to life that differences draws in similarities and with that, I look forward for more days with all of my sisters. Thank You to all four of you :)

My Fashion Icons

2008-11-24T03:18:00.013+11:00

Someone asked me to describe my fashion sense the other day and I had extreme difficulties answering the question. So, I came back home and reflected on it. I decided to name it "whatever the hell I like". hahahaha. Hence, here's a bit about people who inspire Fashion for me as I generally mix and match what I see from these people but most of the time, it has always been down to my comfort and budget (yaaa, harussss)

1. Marc Jacobs- I would die to walk the runway for him :D His Marc by Marc Jacobs line has guided my fashion direction for a long while. His revolutionary designs that ran along the idea that you can be quirky yet beautiful is so alluring for me :p

2. Agyness Deyn- bold, rock chic has not been the most appealing style for me until I saw her. Man, I love her! She encapsulates the masculinity that every woman has hidden in her and I love the fact that she doesn't try to hide that. Good for her that she's the face for Burberry now, kayo ni..

3. Camelia- a lot of people have been complaining that she doesn't do anything so she doesn't deserve to be in the limelight but I beg to differ because she carries GREAT handbags! That's a job to be reckoned with... And I think she has good taste in what she chooses to wear and the type of image that she postulates. She's not pretentious and isn't afraid to try to do or wear what she wants and looking good while she's at it.

4. Marianne Faithfull- the Original Rock Chick (O.R.C)! All those bohemian styles that you see or sport today, you owe it to this woman. She was a musical and fashion prodigy back in the 70s and dated Your Highness Mick Jagger himself. I rarely listen to her music but I've browsed countless webpages that documented her fashion inklings. I wore boots when I did because of her... tak kisahlah Malaysia ni panas sekalipun.

5. Liya Kebede- the black beauty. Love her, love her, love her... she's so down to earth, pretty, successful, has a loving family, a stable career and proved that those with dark skin can be beautiful too! I can never forget seeing her on the runway for Chanel and as the face of Estee Lauder. She was so breathtaking that I felt sooooo..... ngaum! (haaa.. it's rare that I'll turn gay for someone tau!)

6. Mischa Barton- because her psychique is something like me, I tend to think whatever she wears, I can wear them too (perasan ni, okay ke?? hahahahaha). But she carries off "cute" better than me, of course. Plus, she's always decent and whatever she wears is quite achievable. Grew a passion for Ed Hardy t-shirts after seeing her in a few really great ones :)

I might not be a fashionista and have obviously hit some hideous notes along the way too but I have always dressed up to suit myself. I seldom wear things to suit what others think, even if it might result in over/underdressing myself. As long as I feel good, it should be alright. I'll kick someone right in the butt if they tell me that I can't wear my t-shirt, jeans and sneakers on my dates and pay a sweet revenge by looking really good in it compared to them heaped in a haute couture dress! It's not really what you wear but HOW and WHO's wearing it... lalalalala

-caution: self-praise is an indulgence privileged on a certain few who can afford to be criticised, evaluated and laughed at-

Photo credits:
Marc Jacobs, Camelia, Agyness, Mischa Barton, Liya Kebede & Marriane Faithfull

And the Psycho Besar Award goes to…

2008-11-24T02:00:00.002+11:00

My Friend’s Ex-Boyfriend who is Like Her Boyfriend but Not!

I’ve been abstaining myself to write about this issue because I felt that it might disrupt my dearest friend’s relationship plus I didn’t want to be nosy and spread out her dirty laundry. But sometimes, I think that this blog is the BEST medium to share my precious emotions and I WANT you to know how I feel (boleeeh???)…

I think love is supposed to be the air that you breathe on, it eases your soul and gives you the peace of mind. That it’s not supposed to choke you and make you seek other pleasures. When that happens, it makes me wonder why we bother destroying our emotional being and tarnishing our mental health for something so destructive.

If there is no trust, understanding and compatibility, I wonder what makes a relationship last long. Is it the security that it offers? I have confronted my friend about this and lanyak her teruk2 too but both parties seemed to be addicted to the emotional turmoil. They have fought over things that define each other where the guy seems to disagree with almost everything she does. It's the idea of that person that you love, not the person itself.

I mean, you gotta be able to accept your loved ones for who they are! Yes, accept them! Not to turn yourself into a psychotic person who stalks your ex-girlfriend who is almost like your girlfriend but not! (Yes, it's confusing even for me but I have little choice about how to describe their relationship, anyway.) I think tonight's incident has been the ultimate test for our patience. My friend tagged along for dinner with the usual bunch kat Oldtown Kopitiam and thus, she wouldn't be able to meet up with that guy. So, the guy decided to stalk us kat Bangsar South tu, tunggu dalam kereta and send messages that indicate he's there watching her like "tgh makan mee ke?" when she gor her assam laksa or "tadi kluar beli apa?" when she went to the nearby 7E. She decided to look for him and confronted him. He asked her to join us back as he was afraid of what we would think of him.

Then, he continuously send in messages that were clearly disturbing my friend's appetite. Me and Durra were at the end of our wits so we went out to look for him. My concerned friend probably didn't want any drama so she said she would go now and paid for her food. Then, we got a message saying that the guy's car tyre is punctured. We decided to pick up this friend because it's late night and we wouldn't budge as long as she's not in the car. The guy didn't want to see our faces, kononnya malu dengan kami(ada aku kesah?). My friend seeked help from someone else as we don't have the tools to assist her. Even when that person came, this guy remained where he was sitting to avoid seeing us! Ya Allah, aku rasa nak tendang je tadi. Durra actually raised her voice asking where the hell he is... Memikirkan the car was in a masjid, we were cooled down. If only it was somewhere else, we would have smacked him right.

I have seen and heard countless nights where my friend slept late enduring arguments that lead nowhere. I have seen her jeopardising her own assessments and work due to the inability of this guy to cope with any problems that they have. I have seen her crying her way through so many shitty things for him. And I have a strange feeling that he did too. Sometimes, you can't just rely on one or two good criteria to blind your sight over everything else.

Seriously, you can't!

Ana Kata "Jahat Tau!!!"

2008-11-19T00:18:00.003+11:00

I have a set of friends that might not appear to be that close to me but honestly, I do care for them even though I don't see them all the time. I admit that sometimes I feel a bit out of place in the group that whenever there's a gathering, I resort to being the quiet one. I prefer observing their actions, listening to their conversation and laughing at their jokes but never did I contribute much to the interactions. Hence, the general misconception that I'm shy, reserved, private or worst, snobbish.

Well, the fact is that I've been acquainted to most of them for almost 5 years now. From one affiliation, we have shifted to another that's not any less in comparison. I can say that the same interest that we share have bonded the relationship between us and sealed it tight.

But allow me to be bitchy now that I've given you a bit context about the terms of relationship I have with the two human beings concerned in my-will-be-related-to-you-now-story. Over the duration of one year that I've returned home, I have constantly been scratching my head over the status of this particular couple. At times, they're together and a month later, it would be a mistake asking one of them where is the other. I had to ask someone else who is closer to me what's okay to be asked and what's not. Dahlah aku jumpa pun mereka sekali sekala.. Sekejap berduaan, sekejap lagi di kutub utara dan selatan.

That's the scary thing about the internet. It keeps me updated on things I don't personally prefer to be updated on but I happen to glance through their life due to my caring nature (which you can also call the busybody nature, if you want to see me as the mean person that I'm not). Just this year, the female party fell into two different relationships with other guys. Yet, she pushes him away and pulls him back into her arms whenever she needs him. After one break up with Guy A, she went back to him. Just like that... And now, she is already in a relationship with Guy B! Ayoyo...

I know that I'm no one to the both of them but judging from face value and what has been regulated to my ever listening ears, I have to say to her "EEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYY.... You Jahat Tau!!!!" I feel sorry for the poor guy because it goes to show how much he cares for her regardless of anything that has happened between them. I hope that he finds happiness and joy in another person because sometimes, the greatest love that we had only leads us to a greater one.

Actually, I hope that the both of them find their happiness even if it means going downhill now. May God give guidance to the both of them and all of us.

*I noticed that I've been incoherently indirect in my blogs nowadays. Why? I wonder...*

Where? What? Why? Can aaarr??

2008-11-18T23:39:00.002+11:00

I think I'm one of the most confused human being on planet earth right now... I'm not sure what I should do, how I should act, how I really feel...

Owwhhh... I fear this type of feeling although it's wonderful. I don't think it's to be mulled upon but I want to while I can :)

Well, even if it finally amounts to nothing much, I count myself as privileged and actually pretty happy being what I already am to him.

Boleh ke dok feeling macam ni kat blog? Jangan gelak2, aku karate nanti... ahaha

He's The Man!

2008-11-05T19:40:00.002+11:00

Barrack Obama has just been elected as the United States of America's 44th President! Remember this date as the date of change and the audacity of hope that "Yes, it is possible for a man to not be judged for his colour or ethnicity but for his character and principles."

It took USA 44 presidents, maybe more so for us but one day, we'll realise that we don't have supremacy over others. We're all equals. This is my hope for the World, this is my hope for Malaysia. That one day, a Barrack Obama will be accepted in my countryland.

The Good Old Yesteryears

2008-11-05T11:55:00.004+11:00

During Hari Raya, the family was talking about a bunch of random things until we reached the topic of "now and then". Of course there's always going to be the reminder of how hard life was and how little money they used to have before, trying to make us feel guilty for taking more lemang and rendang than we ought to have consumed. But then I popped up a question that we have never asked before which would be in the same effect as "But surely you all feel lucky that we were born now right?" received with an unanimous answer from all them uncles and aunties, "NO!" (dgn expression disgusted plak tu!)

They all felt that we are sort of unlucky to live in this modern era where we have to be extra cautious of everything. 20 years ago, news about violence and racial problems were rarely heard. They all felt that life was more harmonious and easy going then. They all felt that it was a secure and safe place to be growing up in. The most violent thing was Starsky and Hutch or later, Miami Vice. People weren't crazy on adding more Benz and opening Swiss bank accounts. Leaders were closer and in touch with the rakyat. All of them hung out with friends from different ethnicity as evident in all the pictures that they all still keep.

When they were kids, they were only afraid of one thing when they play outside their house until maghrib which is Hantu Kopek but nowadays, we are afraid of thieves, pedophiles, rapist, flashers, kidnappers and what nots. It's a scary world, this 21st century. My uncles and aunts, despite the hardships, all wished they can raise their kids in the 70s and 80s Malaysia where people love thy neighbours regardless of colour. We give and take without expecting benefits in 8% interest. Where a kid can be sent to buy a loaf of bread 1/2 km away from home and they can count on everybody living along the street to look out for them.

I wanna tuck a flower behind my ears and wear frilly tops matched with bell bottoms and platforms if that's going to make this world a better place to live in.

photo credits: taken from Carry On Costumes UK

Small Kids, Big Minds

2008-11-05T11:08:00.004+11:00

Have you ever heard parents here in Malaysia "protecting" their kids from the evil of politics? Telling them it's not their time yet until they leave university at the age of 23? My mum is the complete opposite of that as from a very young age, she has lamented on us the importance of understanding what moves, molds and administrates your life. Of course religion is the fundamental basis but the type of leadership we have in the country in modern days determines what type of life you would lead.

I hate to compare our country with another but in a country of more diversity than us (yes, that's true), USA is not afraid to let their kids to have a say and speak it out loud from their point of view. They are taught to compare and contrast the different sides of the coins (including the sides). From pre-schoolers to college graduates, mock elections are done to encourage thinking and allow them to exercise their future right as a citizen. That's a country of 300 million people with 7 main recognised ethnic groups (caucasians, african american, asian, native american/alaskan, native american/pacific, multiracial & hispanic).

Surely we can do better, don't we Malaysians always aim for that anyway? (The more records we break, the better what?). If so, political consciousness and awareness should be instilled from an early age so that we would all feel it's our responsibility even if it appears to be an obligation to conform to pop culture. We should not brainwash our kids but allow them to decide because if they can choose whoever they like in AF without you telling them to, it shows the power of media and the child's ability to comprehend. Teach our kids about the importance of voting and when it's election time, induct them into the craze too. Not by asking them to wear a t-shirt saying "I'm HIS son/daughter" but to share their opinions and takes on each candidate. I'm sure we can learn more than we expect from them :)

While we're talking about this, I want to share a performance I've came across while browsing CNN last week. It's by a bunch of Seventh Graders (lebih kurang Form 1) from Ron Clark Academy in Atlanta. Ron Clark has worked with disadvantaged children in the USA and if I remember correctly, he was the inspiration for the movie "The Triumph" starring Matthew Perry. In this performance, the group of around 30 kids rapped about the pros and cons of both of the main presidential candidates for the USA 2008 polls to the sounds of T.I's "Whatever You Like" (owwwhh.. enche T.I Handsome). Reckon we can achieve this anytime soon? C'mon, we sent a man to the space already, what?

Officially Yours

2008-11-03T01:12:00.001+11:00

Once I was a drifter,
Decided never to trust again,
Didn't want a reason,
To give my heart away,
Never wanted anymore pain,
Making the nights lonesome,
And the days become ignorant...

But then a miracle came,
In disguise of the lovely you,
Changing my heart with due,
To give me a new dew,
And for the sun to shine brighter,
For the autumn to fade hither,
My heart skipped a beat faster,
Because now we're together...

I listened to the melody of the river,
I indulged in the sparkle of the stars,
Yet nothing is as perfect as this feeling,
That gives me the shivers to the spine,
The way you complete me,
The way you fulfill me,
The way we believe in each other,
Gives me the faith and power to relive,
Since now and forever,
I am Officially Yours

Now never would the nights spent alone,
My days are just a different zone,
Darling, you're my happiness,
Since the day is still in my mind,
When you looked at the same sky with me,
And squeezed my hands lightly,
And whispered into my ears,
When you made me officially yours...

I'm In Love Again...

2008-10-31T01:35:00.005+11:00

With John Legend... Tried looking for the newly released album in stores but can't seem to find it. Patah hati seketika but I'm sure absence makes the heart grows fonder. I have listened to some of the songs in the album and am loving the track "Set Me Free" (layan bila pasang sambil mandi di jacuzzi beraromaterapi diterangi cahaya lilin.. mimpikah ni??). Have fell in love with Greenlight a few months ago and I think this track is evident for the title of the album, "Evolver"... Also liking Can't Be My Lover featuring Buju Banton (ya, man!). Rasta has never been sexier (with the exception of Damian Marley Jr laaar, of course) The sounds in this album is fresh, edgy and is set to be a classic, even by Legend's own standard.

Although Blender granted him only 2/5 stars for the album, the other critics are more generous with Legend's experiment and credits should be given to the man for daring to be different. Seriously, he is the only man whose justification about cheating is acceptable because he sings it beautifully. Ye, aku memang bias sikit. Mungkin selang 2 hari sekali, akan kujejaki kedai musik mencari erti cintaku ini.. over ka ni?? Haruslaaa, orang bercinta mmg macam tu.

photo credits: taken from /wikipedia.com

To Complement The Compliments

2008-10-24T00:45:00.004+11:00

There were many nice things human beings have said to each other but I think the sweetest thing someone has said to me is that I remind him of the song "Mad Sexy Cool" sung by Babyface. The problem is that the girl described in the song is just the most angelic person you will meet and that got me thinking, "do people always mean what they say even when they say something good?".

My mum thought me to always think the best and the good of another person but sometimes, I do get a bit cynical and over-evaluative when people say nice things to me. Most of the time, I don't even comprehend how they have reached a particular understanding of myself. Above all, some of the nice things they say tends to overshadow the things I really want them to focus on. Exterior over interior, perception over reality, statement over fact.

But come to think of it, maybe at that time he really meant what he said about the song... angkat bakul sendiri, boleh? hahahaha

What A Day!

2008-10-23T22:38:00.005+11:00

Durra has been meaning to get to TTDI since two weeks ago to buy some hijabs at a famous (or I would say, over rated) Muslimah boutique. After much delay including a three time postponed plan just this week, we decided to brave through the always jammed KL traffic at around 3.15pm so that Durra can again achieve the dream of being the good daughter and sister that she always wanted to be :p

When we got there, it was drizzling but we managed to get a parking spot right in front of the boutique which will most likely happen only once in your lifetime. Paid the parking ticket after much difficulty trying to understand what the heck the machine wanted (while we're on this, what happened to good ol' customer service between human beings?). Ran through the rain dgn semangat to buy beautiful hijabs :) Jiwa Suka dan Berbunga Dengan Harapan...

Though, when we got into the boutique, the both of us realised that our trip here would be disappointing. The shop was scarce with stock, filled with hopefuls like us and most of the things were in a disarray. Everything was overpriced and although I don't practice the hijab on a regular basis, I do know that there are places that sell the same designs or materials for at least half of the price. I would also rate the customer service as one of the worst I've received where they just answer your questions half-heartedly and won't even glance back at you. Kiranya, boutique mahal with a self-service attitude... Fashion forward tak kau? (so, now i understand why most corporation decided on machines)

After leaving our destination empty-handed as what Durra was essentially looking for is currently out of stock (kau bayangkan kedai jual tudung takde tudung hitam.. pernah kau dengar?), we were distraught. Imagine going all the way and being utmostly frustrated because the whole stint in the shop only lasted for 10 minutes. Thank God, Auntie Rubiah (Durra's mum) also agreed that it's too expensive. So, we left and thought of going to Rasta for a munch. As we reached Rasta, Durra thought it was a bit empty and we decided to go somewhere else.

We were looking to head to Bangsar but went into the wrong exit on the highway where we were only left with the options to go to Kepong or Mutiara Damansara :p So we had to make a turn around Mutiara Damansara and went through TTDI again with a sense of not knowing what to do or where to head next. As we were en route to Bangsar, we suddenly thought of SS2 Murni and decided to give it a try. Still fickle about it but we had to make something out of the already tiring trip... Tick Tock, Tick Tock... Okay, let's go to SS2!

Following the very detailed direction given by Cik Nina Yayang, around 4.35pm we were on Federal Highway, driving through and deciding to ignore the anticipated bumper to bumper traffic in another couple hours to come. After reaching SS2, we can't seem to find Murni and after reaching some housing area, we decided to call Nina and make a turn. While Nina was explaining the route again, Durra was reversing the car and suddenly, BANG! Durra bumped her car into some huge rock in front of a house. "AAAAHHHH....AAAHHH" kedengaranlah jeritan yang tak berapa halus and seriously, what else did u expect from two girls in a car?

We finally were at the right place but the scratches on the bumper are quite bad, especially for someone who loves her car like Durra. We checked it up and muka seposen je lar dua2 pun because there's nothing much we can do about it now. We paid another parking fee at a similar machine (but kali ni, pakar sikit ye) and walked around the block to go to Murni for something scrumptious to whet our appetite. But no, it doesn't get better. As soon as we were there, the shop assistant told us that the shop will take an hour break and will be opened at 6pm. Ye, aku datang dari jauh untuk dengar kau nak tutup kedai kau je.

Durra was beyond frustrated and just requested that we leave. I understand her frustrations so I just went along with it. We drove the car being silent and that wasn't good because again, we went into another wrong road! So, we have to make another turn around SS2 and lead ourselves out of PJ safely. As expected, it was already jammed massively and all we can do is to poke fun at the drivers around us to entertain ourselves.

When we reached college at 6pm, Durra and I were too hungry that we just went to the asrama cafe, ignoring the fact that we might be slightly overdressed. Wolfed down 3 pieces of curry puff and some banana fritters accompanied with a glass of teh tarek before enjoying my mee goreng while watching a silly movie on HBO. Durra ate heartily too (by her standards) and a while later, Guna joined us for a "meaningful" small talk. Left at 6.35pm as we realised we haven't completed our Asar prayers. Said goodbye to Guna and left Durra with a footnote : It has been fun although a bit weird. After 3 and a half hours, I had enough experience to remember this trip.

At the end, I kinda reflected that all the fun that you were trying to find far from home in the view that it would bring such a big difference and make you more excited can only make you more frustrated. In the end, it's things you have taken for granted that actually made your day. You should not try hard to have fun because half of the time, the most pleasing things happen unplanned. When you least expect it and when you don't anticipate it... That's why incredible things are often called a wonder (copyright controlled, plis!) To Durra, thank you for the bumpy ride (literally) and hope to seek more unexpected things with you!

*on a slightly different note, the quest for the futsal plate championship continues tomorrow... saksikan Kaka, Cesc, Steve, Luwanco and Theo dari g-Unit beraksi.. hahahahaha. see you girls involved at 8.30 am (24th October 2008)*

Nice Things..

2008-10-23T22:22:00.002+11:00

Every girl likes to look, touch, appreciate and have nice things. Sometimes, we tend to appreciate the unconventional nice things. I love seeing and appreciating the beauty of people who takes time to make themselves up and appear presentable, even if it means them being extraordinary. The re-invention might be daunting on some people but I think it shows how much the rest of the so-called normal/ordinary people are not taking the effort to look their best...

If someone you're so disgusted with looks better than you, that says a lot about looking into the mirror. Be better and then, you judge them...

*i think some of you are really, really gorgeous.. beyond my expectation :)*

Baju Raya II

2008-09-16T20:33:00.004+10:00

Dj Fuzz sporting a KLG Sqwad's Labour of Love tee (picture taken from here)

I want the t-shirt!!! Anyone have a clue where I can get them from? I've read that I can do some kind of online order but I'm too lazy to do the order through the internet. Money transfer? I think it's a way to avoid people from seeing each other.I knowlaah, I'm so hard to please... I believe in the beauty of dealing human to human (big difference, I tell you...)

Back to the story, I think I can wear this on Hari Raya Ke2 as my grandparents used to live in Klang before settling down in Kuang (suddenly we all have a story, eyh?). So, if you know where to get those, drop me a comment :)

*anyone thinks my mum would love me as much as she did before if I wore this on Hari Raya Ke2?*

A Disgrace of Sorts

2008-09-14T15:40:00.002+10:00

I am appalled by the recent conundrum in Malaysia. It is as if we have totally lost control of everything that we feel the need to hold the helm at any cost. Imposing a nonsensical act of law without any solid justification of its existence or relevance in current scenario makes the desperation of threatened-ones inadvertently appear crystal clear.

It shows how things are on the beam ends for the current administration. It is beyond me why the journalist was detained if the man who uttered those filthy words is only taken action under the organisation's law. Although that acknowledges that the man has done something wrong, I think he is the one who should be detained under such laws for causing such a public unrest. On a different view, it also goes to show that the reporting was not wrong. So, why the biased treament?

It's been 20 odd years since a journalist is detained under the act and this happens only a few months after the head adviced all the members of the medias to be brave in reporting the truth. For so many years, I have believed in the power of words and now this has only increased my beliefs.

You say she had a hidden agenda? Check under your sleeve to say that you don't...

*pardon my annoying euphemism but it is always hard to swallow the truth over something you are affiliated to*

Who I Want To Meet?

2008-09-14T14:37:00.001+10:00

In my online social network pages, they have always asked me "who i want to meet" which would pretty silly to be answered as 'everybody' (mind you, I did answer that too). You don't want to meet everybody, do you? For example, a sex maniac or a psychopath serial killer. And for that matter, we all have different reasons on why we want to meet someone. For example, I want to meet Soulja Boy to knock his head for ruining my eardrums so that's not something nice, is it? (Although some would readily cheer me on with the same spirit)

Not so incidentally, there's a long list to this that I have kept on updating since I was a kid. Believe me, choosing who to include has not been hard compared to who not to include. In your mind, set the notion that meeting means having a cup of coffee and talking about things that matter as I have technically met some of the people in my list here. So, Ok! Go!

Jit Murad- for that man I smile about since I was ten years old until now. I love that mop of curly hair he has and his relentlessly funny self on stage as well as his ability to hook you with his acting.

John Legend- for being that voice I listen to every night

Jhumpa Lahiri- for telling me that emotions can be related through as little words as possible and still be effective

Michel Gondry- for being a visionary visual graphic artist who provided me with more things to look forward to in life with his stories

Mos Def- for still standing in the league of super-rappers (probably one of the best alive) and not losing his soul or mind.

Noam Chomsky- for being an excellent linguist and a monstrous political figure

Barack Obama- for believing in change and stepping forward with the right foot all the way that it seems almost impossible to comprehend.

Norani Ahmad- for struggling for the rest of the Muslim women in Malaysia although being constantly unappreciated and pressured to stop. Sister won't stop for nothing.

Marc Jacobs- for creating fashion miracles that strikes my heart at all the right notes.

Jay Z- for being a "flow futuristic", astute businessman and remarkable man at heart.

Tun Dr M- the man who has remained in my list since I was 5 years old for many, many reasons.

Kaka- for being extremely talented in football and sincere in devotion.. An example to everyone, regardless of faith and interest.

Toni Morisson- for showing what being Beloved in Love means...

Datuk Zeti Akhtar- for Economics 101 at its best, I think only a woman of her stature can achieve what she has.

The Raslan Brothers- this should come in the complete package as only then can I ask the question, "is it in the genes?"

You- siapa ya? :)

I have not listed all that I could but these 15 people are the ones I have always looked forward to meeting. Hopefully I can meet half of them before fate takes one of us away. At last, a clear purpose to life.. hahaha!

I am tagging nisa, nina, tasha, alin and cek sou to write about the TOP 15 People they want to meet. Bolehlah saya analyse diri anda nanti :p

KL Hip Hop Fest 2008

2008-09-14T13:28:00.003+10:00

I'm overjoyed by this fest coming up soon here in my soil, my heartland, Kuala Lumpur. The tentative dates for this two-day festival that will be held for the first time are 15 and 16 November 2008 with the venue yet to be confirmed. The festival is more correctly defined as a symposium of the genre which has long since become a lifestyle. Among the things planned for the two days are several workshops, competitions and a bazaar where you can get every imaginable Hip Hop gear/stuff.

About the lineup of guest performers, rumors has it that Lupe Fiasco (yeah! yeah!), Nas (yeah! yeah! yeah!) and KRS One (gotta crank up that old CD again) will be flown over to rev things up for us who once can only hope such festivals could ever be held here in Malaysia. Under the banner of KL Hip Hop Festival, also expect a lot of Asia's best hip hop outfits (which of course would include our talented homegrown performers) to represent.

This would be another thing I would venture and brave my heart through alone, knowing that none of my friends share the same passion or are willing to fork out a substantial amount of money (am expecting a two-day pass to cost in the least around RM 150). But after much disappointment of not being able to attend the 1st Asian Hip Hop Festival in Thailand due to my busy schedule, the KL Hip Hop Festival should be embraced by all the likes of me with the love for the music.

*you know what would be better? Having Mos Def down here!!!! That would be awesome but you can't have everything... Next year perhaps*

Ceritera Baju Raya!

2008-09-08T01:20:00.003+10:00

I had a so-called resolution for Syawal 1429h... Not to buy a baju raya this year because I want to save on expenses and control my wants. Plus, I think I have an abundance of baju kurung. But the trips to Jalan Tunku Abdul Rahman robbed my soul... I should be more determined with my resolutions next time. Next year, no baju raya... Janji, saya janji!

Anyway, baju raya saya cantik & saya terpaksa beli. Baju kurung warna maroon garang, with subtle studs and such an elegant touch. The Mother bertekad membeli baju colour sama for herself, my sister and my nephew. And we also painted the house with that range of colour. I started an unexpected wave, it's overwhelming...

Macam tulah kalau orang best.. and saya perlu belajar jadi lebih modest.

Toilet Talk

2008-09-08T00:46:00.002+10:00

I am sick and tired of coming back every weekend to the college and discovering that the toliet I regularly use has turned into a sewage itself. Every Sunday, whenever I peek into the toilet, there's bound to be things that other people besides tuan-punya-badan should not see. The smell is like fermented cencaluk that is further fermented under the sun until it bubbles. I mean, we boast that we're civilised human beings but if you can't take care of the place you defecate in, how do you call yourself one?

There's no point being super-smart or super-gorgeous if you expect someone else to mind your s**t. I don't consider myself a clean freak or something like that but it's just logical that you'd check the toilet before you leave it. I just have the habit to clean the toilet each time I use it because I know I'm sharing and I wouldn't want other people to suffer any kind of inconveniences because of me. Sadly, it is probably only me who thinks so. I know that I am the only one who cleans the toilet because I've tried refraining from doing any cleaning and the place turned into a wreck. And the stuff that I deal with is filthy and annoying. I mean, how the hell did you do it that it gets spread all over the place and then, you'd expect someone else to clean it? Simply mind boggling, nose bothering and throat choking...

We've talked about it like grown ups, things have been bought for the purpose yet people still refuse to participate and assume responsibility. If it doesn't start at your own home, how do we expect to create a socially conscious and civic minded society? No wonder the public toilets are in its worst condition because so-called educated people act as such. I'm sorry that I have to resort to writing a blog here and bitch about it but all those days spent cleaning the toilet has its toll on me.

Ia Baru Bermula...

2008-09-07T23:10:00.003+10:00

Aku kagum dengan seorang lelaki. Kekaguman itu lahir kerana dia seorang yang sangat lain daripada apa yang disedari. Ya, aku mungkin tidak kenal lelaki yang boleh kugelar "datuk" itu secara peribadi tetapi kekagumanku lahir dari kaca mata lain dan bacaan sendiri. Seorang lelaki yang tidak takut jeriji besi dan tidak endah dengan umpat caci.

Aku kurang bertuah kerana tidak dapat hidup dalam era penulisannya yang gigih, aku kurang bertuah kerana tidak dapat merasa sendiri perjuangan pena dan prinsip... Tapi aku sudah cukup, cukup bertuah kerana mataku masih mampu melihat di sini kerana adanya lelaki berani ini.

Untuk seorang lelaki yang telah melalui seribu satu cerita semasa hidupnya, perginya tidak menandakan berakhirnya kisah tersebut tetapi tanda bermulanya satu babak baru, dituruti sebuah eulogi untuk mengingati dan menghargai.

Untuk A. Samad Ismail yang telah kembali ke rahmatullah pada 4 September 2008.

A Mess of Love

2008-09-07T21:14:00.006+10:00

In this mess, where should I look for it?
All those flimsy strings of love threads,
That I need to mend our damaged torn hearts,
To bind it tightly as I bid to place a seal,
But it's impossible to peer in to seek,
When I have this mess of love...

In this mess, where should I look for it?
All those long tassels of loose hopes,
That I deem to plait our tangled worn dreams,
To knot it neatly as I kid to lace a kilt,
But it's inexplicable to sneak in to peek,
When I have this mess of love...

Plights after similar plights endured,
But this mess stays on after years,
Even after I have shed our tears,
With all those talks against fears,
Yet, plight after plight we've endured,
As is commendable in this mess of love...

Ive Got A Crush On You - Stacey Kent

credit is due for the 'inspiration' to you

Looming Presence

2008-08-28T22:54:00.003+10:00

During the ten years that I have known my best friends (needless to say it's Asraf and Nabil), somehow my opinions always mattered (waaah, ayat bangga diri tu.. boley?).The things I have a say in range from choosing the correct jeans cut until the owh-so-important choice of girlfriends and I admit that it sometimes can be daunting.

Not to say that they would make a decision based solely on what I say but I must add that it influences what they will ultimately decide. And let me tell you the best part, I can never see someone being good enough for them. I'm like the disapproving sister who judges the potential sister-in law with discreet looks and side-way glances to see how she reacts to something. It's not how she looks that usually matters to me but how she carries herself and how well the compatibility between her and my concerned friend is. Then, how she speaks to others there and whether she questions my looming presence...

It's like a unsaid rule that the three of us would implicitly or explicitly talk to our (potential) partners about how it is important that we can all get along well. That my partner will be 'ngam' with Nabil and Acap as their partners can indulge in similar things with me. This is like our second set of siblings, the brothers and sisters we have at heart. It is also to tell our partners that "hey, babe... there's nothing to worry about. What Acap, Nabil and Ana has is a friendship that will never be tainted even if you doubt it"

So when I disapprove of someone and it turns out that the person is as I expected them to be, I would feel guilty if I hadn't said anything in the first place. It's not that I wish to say "I Said So!" but more that I have placed the boys in the caution mode beforehand for them to realise that this might not work. It breaks me to see people not doing them right because these two people are not the playing around type. They are sincere and willing to try although they can be the most confused and fickle minded being at times.

My looming presence is a cloak to shelter my friends from the impending hurt that they might experience. Even when you leave, we will always have each other. Even when you hurt them, we will always comfort each other. Because that is what our presence are for...

Chained Letter

2008-08-28T21:30:00.003+10:00

This is a letter from a friend...

To all my beloved friends,
Be it from Sabah, Sarawak, KL and semua di Semenanjung Malaysia. I would really need your help, I'm representing Infinatez and our INF team.
Alhamdulillah Infinatez now is moving in a correct direction, we are getting invitation to appear in various events, shows, interviews etc. To those yang sudah dengar our songs "Paparazzi", "Ada Masa" & "Sayang Kinabalu", we hope you enjoyed it. Kalau belum you can listen to it here - myspace.com/infinatez
Ok, the help yang I need from you guys is to request our songs to be played in radio stations. To be exact we would like you guys to request "Ada Masa" as it is our latest single, tapi you guys boleh juga request our other songs.
One way is to request it at Xfm (previously known as Xfresh)

One thing at a time, we can focus on Xfm first. But if you prefer other stations like Suria fm, you can do so. You probably get a listen to it at DJ Hairil's Suria Intro every Sunday. To listeners in Sabah, you can ask DJ Othoe to play it @ Suria Pagi Kinabalu 105.9fm.
Guys, we really need your help on this one. Again, do have time to listen to it at our myspace and if you like it, kindly do request for it. We hope that our songs could be heard all over the country, and the rest of the world.
ps: Infinatez will be back with more sounds. We promise.

Thank you.
Yours truly,
Alvin MY aka Defoo (who can be read at The D)

Mbeki Loves Mugabe

2008-08-08T21:52:00.005+10:00

It's good that the peace talks initiated by Thabo Mbeki as the head of the African Union has started since June thus allowing more time for deliberation over issues that matter but a speedy conclusion and resolute reconciliation must take place soon to provide Zimbabwean with more time to kick start the shattered economy state. Circa 1970s, Zimbabwe was one of the most promising economy house of the Afrikaan continent ironically under the governance of Mugabe who was then viewed as a revolutionary man with strong visions for his country. Fast forward 30 years later, the inflation rate has surpassed 2 000 000% and Zimbabwean are suffering all these as the consequences of one man's desire to remain powerful and rich. Besides suffering from the economic recession (or collapse), hundreds are killed or injured since the March bloody election that saw the rise of poors and bourgeois against the corrupt, dictatorship government.

That's why I think Mbeki loves Mugabe so much that he is willing to stall negotiations on who should take the lead role of governing Zimbabwe even after a definite, undisputed win by MDC Party lead by Tsvangirai (which is still referred to as the opposition party). I am appalled by the arrangements made and the way negotiations are dealt with. I'm a tiny person with one brain but I think the plan worked out puts Mugabe too much into favour. Yes, Mugabe did win the Presidential elections uncontested but that's only because Tsvangirai boycotted the election. Mbeki should not and must not take that lousy reason into consideration for retaining Mugabe's so-called-deserved place in the government where Mugabe will be President while Tsvangirai will become the Prime Minister (yes, if it rings a bell, Mbeki used the same formulae in South Africa for him and Jacob Zuma). How can it be a man loathed by the majority of his people still remains in the position of the most respected one? Absurd but true.

Note: As this post is written, Mbeki in Harare currently to wrap up the negotiation and all political rivals in Zimbabwe has agreed to the power-sharing agreements amidst rumors of Mugabe's reduced power as President.

6 Weeks Notice

2008-08-08T21:01:00.003+10:00

I haven't been blogging about much recently, simply because I did not have the time to do so. For the past 7 weeks, I have been teaching in a school located in the heart of Kuala Lumpur and have since been devoting most of my attention to it. Besides that, I also had to make time to spend with friends and family. Hence, my unexplained absence from the cyber world.

Though, it is not the only reason why I have not blogged. It did not escape me that recently, every time I hit the "new post" tab, all I can think about is to comment/bitch/grumble about things that unsettled me as a new teacher. And often half way through, I would think about how unethical that would be. That reflection, in retrospect, helped me avoid a lot of uneasiness. Why I say so? Because not too long ago, a small issue escalated in one of my friend's school when he blogged about something as such. I did not want the same unnecessary fuss and not to surprise you, students do take the effort to google you up in the internet if they find you interesting enough.

So my days in the school passed by quite quickly that I'm only left with another 6 weeks to complete my practicum stint. I cannot think of a more roller-coaster like ride in my life than these past 6 weeks. I will never forget the very, very warm welcome students gave to me when I was introduced in the assembly on the first day. It was weird but still charming. My numbered days with my form 1 Nilai and 2 Nilai are very much frowned upon as I sincerely cannot imagine a better combination of students to make my day. I love my 1 Nilai to pieces since I have been with them since day one and we have grown very close with each other. When I came back from the mid practicum briefing, they seemed happy to have me back that I cannot help but to beam with joy too. 2 Nilai has just been with me for the past 2 weeks but they're sweet angels in those devilish manners that they portray. My previous 2 Setia is also much missed that I look forward to any relief classes with them.

That said, I must highlight that some teachers disappoint me. They go in late to classes or do not teach or sit while they teach or do not take effort to prepare materials and what more to provide conducive learning environment. All they do is give notes for students to copy and ask them to complete photocopied exercises. I ponder whether I would turn out like that too one day and it breaks me to see that some new, young teachers are already acting the same. I wonder why they became teachers. For me, it's important to show that you mean business but you care. Pardon me, I'm not saying that I'm good but I really don't mind sleeping in late just to prepare materials because I feel that it is my responsibility to maximise my students' learning experience. It's not only for evaluation because what's good in a series of merits given by your lecturers in 4 lessons while the other lessons with your students come across as (well) shitty...

These teachers dread entering the last classes but for me it's for these students whom you can really bring a difference. The weak ones are the most risky group to fall into discipline problems and face learning difficulties while the smart ones can probably work things out on their own. My experience with 2 Setia has been exteremely rewarding where students did not play truant during English Language even though they skip the other classes. It's a sign that I might have succeeded in making learning interesting for them and that boosted my love for the profession. Darn, I wish I would remain this enthusiastic and keep this love for the job for the next few years to come. If not, I'll just put on my enthusiastic mask for teaching is only quarter of knowledge sharing with another 3 quarters of theatrics...